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Wasted Days
Well, I still am quite stressed from all of the planning of the wedding and school stuff. I am quite sure if I had a finger pulse oximeter that you would see not only is my heart rate sky high but I don’t feel as if I am getting enough oxygen at times. Maybe I am having mini panic attacks? I start thinking about everything that needs to be done and I feel like I have a shortness of breath and start getting all shaky. It is not a good feeling at all. The planning is what is overwhelming, not the decision to get married. I know I want to be married and I know after May 1st, everything will hopefully get a little better.
I think everything being piled upon me is also making me quite exhausted. I have something going on every day up until my wedding and I do mean literally every day! I so want just a day of rest. Maybe I will get one soon. Unfortunately though, I need to head to bed. I have a new theme idea and everything but the lack of time is really squashing any hopes and dreams I have of putting it up anytime soon! Until next time, later loves.
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Take a stand
Sadly, the situation with my father did not really get any better. I did, however, message my step-mom a long message on facebook about how I never felt loved or supported by my father. I also mentioned how he was quick to call me a loser when I became homeschooled but if he would have listened, he would have learned I was raped and had a nervous breakdown. I think my father is too quick to judge people and voice his opinions without ever thinking about the consequences. I told her that I hoped when he was basically given his death sentence with liver disease that he would finally want to get to know me. I also told her that I am amazing, because I am, and if he didn’t want to get to know me, well piss on him. I literally poured all my emotions into the message because these were things I have been wanting to say forever but never had the nerve to. For some reason, when it comes to my dad I have always cowered down, but that isn’t going to happen anymore.
Enough about him though because I don’t want to get started. I have a lot of stuff going on and opportunities I’ve been playing around with. I have been considering opening my own etsy shop and specializing in wedding invitations since I ended up making my own in the end. I have such awesome ideas if I were to make more and I really love letting my creativity flow freely. Creating new things makes me feel all zen which is quite rare for me. I will post a pic of my invites later maybe. I am in love with them right now because of the colors used. I love my wedding colors. I will post a wedding update later. For now, I just needed to update the whole father issue.
Also, there is another issue that has finally come to an end. There is no need for me to be looking up adult acne or anything of the like because I have been *knocks on wood* in the clear for two weeks. Ahh, how I have missed my clear complexion! Now only if I could get my period to show it’s ugly face I’d be happy. I’m on Yaz and have been taking it regularly but for the past two months I have not bled at all. I did have cramps this past time around but when I don’t bleed I worry. I am going to talk to my doctor tomorrow when I go about it. Hopefully I am okay but the past two days I had been hurting inside and after further investigation it feels like I have a knot inside. I am sure that is TMI but that seriously worries me since my mom had cervical cancer so anything involving my lady parts freaks me out. I plan on asking my mom and talking with my doctor as well. Thank God my mom is a nurse because I ask her some of the most off the wall questions.
Anyways, I need to get my mom going so we can go meet with the preacher and finalize the guys’ tuxes! Later ya’ll.
Read MoreThe great envelope hunt
One of my biggest worries right now is getting my invitations printed, addressed, stamped, and mailed. Usually this would be an easy feat since I know that Staples will cut the card stock down to size and I can print the invitations myself since I partially designed them as well. My biggest problem is finding the inner and outer envelopes in the size I need. I need inner envelopes that are 5 1/4 inch by 7 1/4 inch and outer envelopes that are lined measuring 5 1/2 inch by 7 1/2 inch. For some reason this is an odd combination to find or maybe I don’t know exactly where to look. I’m really getting frustrated. I could understand if I was looking for jumbo envelopes or something of that sort but these should be a regular size, shouldn’t they?
Well, I am not going to stress. I will commence my looking for envelopes tomorrow because today I plan on writing my paper and then cooking a delicious meal of salad, cheese manicotti, and garlic bread with a key lime pie and triple layer lemon pie for dessert. We also plan on cooking out tomorrow because the weather is so beautiful today. It is even supposed to be close to 70 tomorrow so bring on the sunshine! I really could use a cookout to lift my spirits and make me feel better. This cold weather has gotten me all gloomy! So I better head to the store! Until next time, later loves.
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Dresses, Baby Fever, and Speech Pathology
Ever since Jonathan popped the question, I’ve been stressing about finding a dress never the less finding the dress. It really is hard to find a wedding dress shop that caters to plus-size girls, but the lady at a store here where I live told me about this company Aurora and showed me their catalog since they cater to plus size women and believe in dresses cut especially for a full-figured woman’s silhouette so it would be more flattering on my body. When I first looked at the catalog I fell in love with a specific dress and knew as soon as I saw it I had to have it. This started a frantic search for me to find someone who had that dress in stock or could order it for me. I found a website for a bridal shop in Snellville which is two hours away and they didn’t have that dress in but had a few others in my size so I went down there to try on some. I fell in love with a dress that had a fitted corset bodice with pick ups in the bottom, but it didn’t really light my candle like the dress in the catalog did. The owner informed me while we were trying on dresses that the specific dress I was looking for had already been ordered and would be in their store sometime in the month of January. She also said she would sell me the dress when it got in even though she rarely sells the dresses she has in stock since most brides order their dresses so they are tailor made for them.
Earlier this week, I received an e-mail from the owner telling me that the dress was being delivered Wednesday and she looked forward to me coming in to try it on. On Thursday, my mom, sister, and I drove the two hours to Snellville so I could try on the dress. When I first put it on, I felt comfortable in it and when I looked in the mirror I got all teary eyed. I knew that this was THE dress I was meant to wear. I had never been so excited and emotional in my life because trying on the dress made it so real. Oh my God, I’m getting married in May! It was like the realization hit me all at once and I was so excited for it. So needless to say, Thursday I shelled out a grand on my dress and veil, but honestly the price didn’t matter because for once in my life, I felt beautiful. I didn’t feel like just another fat girl, I felt like I mattered and I was beautiful in my own right and when I walk down the aisle I know all eyes will be on me. The dress also made my face glow with happiness and can’t wait to actually show Jonathan on our wedding day.
In other news, I have been needing my haircut for a while since I have to get my haircut every five weeks on the dot or it drives me crazy. This time, I waited seven weeks so you can imagine how agitated I was. I hate when my hair gets past a certain length because it bothers me on the back of my neck and shoulders. I decided I wanted to grow it out a little longer for the wedding so that means no cutting it short again, just trimming it. I did, however, find a certain hairstyle I wanted which is like Cate Ryan’s off of Life Unexpected. My hairdresser, Beth who is also my bridesmaid, thought the look would be cute on me but told me she’d use her razor scissors instead of doing layers since it’d be more manageable for me. She knows me so well since my idea of fixing my hair is blow drying it upside down and then straightening the front part and that’s it. I was also excited to get my haircut so I could see her baby. She has three adopted children and about a month ago she got a baby which is the other three’s brother. He is so adorable and holding him in my arms makes me excited for me and Jonathan to have children one day. I think Beth gave me baby fever, lol. Jonathan is just as excited evidently. Here are some pics of my new hair and of the ever-so-precious Mr. Aden-poo!
I have also been thinking about my future a lot here lately and trying to decide where I want to go get my Bachelor’s in Early Childhood Education at. That is going to be a big decision and I am also playing around with the idea of going for my Master’s in Speech Pathology but that is not set in stone yet. My sister has changed her major to Early Childhood as well so we are going to transfer at the same time and to the same school. I am trying to decide between West Georgia, Kennesaw State, Shorter, and Berry. I really like West Georgia’s program since they send their professors to the college I currently go to so it’d be close to home, but we’ll see what the future has in store for me. I am also adamantly looking for a part-time job. I did put in my application where an old family friend told me to since she said she could probably get me on there. I hope so because I could really use the extra money since our wedding is getting a little more expensive than we originally intended. We are now thinking about self-catering the reception which would be a lot of work but either way, I don’t care because all that matters is that I am marrying my best friend and the man of my dreams on that day.
Well, I need to run to the store to pick up the steaks and get those started. My sister gets off at 9 and then we’re going to cook out with the boyfriends. We also plan on watching a movie afterward. I really enjoy just spending nights in with Jonathan and then my sister and her boyfriend, Hayden. We have a lot of fun together and it’s good that Jonathan gets along with my family. So until next time, later loves!
Read MoreTick tock
Hey everyone! I know, I’ve been a horrible blogger yet again but there has been so much happening lately it isn’t even funny!
We will back up to December 16 when I had my doctor’s appointment with the new doctor. First off, I love my doctor! She is so amazing and supporting and spent forty-five minutes with me just answering my various questions. It turns out I have PCOS which at that moment shattered me. I felt broken and less of a woman because this greatly reduces my chances of getting pregnant and since I was planning on getting engaged, it made me feel like I wouldn’t be able to offer Jonathan this great future which broke my heart. I told him the news and he was upset as well but he was very supportive about everything which is what I needed at the time. I honestly thought that because of my diagnosis, he wouldn’t want to marry me. I know that sounds stupid but for ever since I can remember I’ve always dreamed of being a mom and having at least three kids. Another part of my dilemma is that I know of a close family friend that has PCOS and she hasn’t been able to get pregnant after numerous attempts with all sorts of medication.
Jonathan obviously surprised me big time because that night, even after knowing about the chance we would never have kids, PROPOSED! Yes, he got down on one knee and all in front of the lighted fountain at the forum in Rome. It was so beautiful there at night even though we froze our butts off. My ring is gorgeous and I mean gorgeous. I am quite surprised at his taste. My baby knows how to pick a ring I tell ya. Lol. Of course I said yes!! It was so cute though because he was so nervous and before he asked he went into this big long explanation about how he had this speech planned and it was so romantic and everything but at the last second his mind totally blanked and he felt stupid for it. I could not believe how nervous he was, but later that night he told me the speech and it was the sweetest thing ever.
Now since I am running out of time, I will make a list of what else has happened:
- Christmas was awesome!!
- I got to see my dad who is really depressed with his diagnosis of liver disease but evidently I cheered him up by being around him.
- Jonathan’s grandma got really sick and passed away.
- I’ve been spending most of my time consoling him and just being there for him because per him, I’m all he has.
- We picked out bridesmaid dresses and the color of the guys vests and ties for their tuxes.
- I have basically picked out two wedding dresses and will try them on Tuesday.
- I have a full-load of classes this semester.
- Evidently per my friends, my history professor is hard as crap and if you don’t pay attention to his lectures, you’re dead!
- I have to be at my first class in 45 minutes!
With that said, I am out. I wanted to quickly blog and update all my lovelies on my hectic life. I will post a pic of my ring later! I love it and love wearing it!! Hehe, I’m like a giddy school girl I swear. Also, I will now have time in the morning to blog, so yay! So until next time, later loves!
Read MoreMisc.
