Best of intentions
My so called unstressful weekend was obviously a thought made in vain because this weekend now is getting stressful. I wanted to get my paper finished so I can relax today but I waited until the last minute as usual. I don’t think this weekend would have been so bad if my brother and sister would behave and do what they are supposed to be doing. Family drama can really bring a person down. Also, our new dog evidently has a bad stomach problem and that woke me up this morning since I had to clean it up. Ugh. I’m so tired of crap, literally. I know the dog can’t help it but that just was the straw that broke the camel’s back so to say.
So instead of freaking out like I usually do, I am going to concentrate on getting things done instead of concentrating on what needs to do. I’m going to be a person of action. The thing that really has me peeved about all of the stress is my face. It is starting to break out and I’ve noticed since my doctor swapped me from Yazmin to plain Yaz it’s been doing that a lot. I guess I will have to find one of the best acne treatment products and get it taken care of. I did pick up some acne spot treatment stuff from Clean & Clear at Wal-Mart and aside from it burning when I put it on, it seems to be working. I just hate looking like a pubescent teenager. I thought I was done of my acne days. Hopefully this stuff works because I am planning on getting engagement pictures in the next week or two and I’ll be darned if I have them made when I have a pimple! Is it me or is my new theme of my blog stress?! Lol, that’s quite sad but I’m sure all of you fellow students can completely understand this.
I guess I will go ahead and get some laundry done in between loads of laundry and then start the preparations for our cookout. I just want this day to be over with so I can sleep. Unfortunately, tomorrow happens to be my busiest day where I’m at school practically off and on all day which takes a big toll on my body. I can’t wait until I’m done with school. I love it at times but then other times it is the bane of my existence. So until next time, later loves.
Read MoreLet the therapy begin
I believe it is safe to say that KatenessNU made it through the host switch without a hitch; however, some of my clients didn’t which is really stressing me out. The people I host are like family so when one of their sites don’t work, I get very irritated and take it personally. I am trying to get everything taken care of but I have so much on me it’s not funny. Thankfully my new host is trying to take care of things as well which I appreciate. So have no fear everyone, they are working on the problems.
The whole stress issue leads me to looking up office furniture online which is something I do when I am stressed. For some reason, retail therapy is the best thing that is able to calm my nerves and put me in a better mood. I am tired of looking at clothes and since my bottom desk drawer messed up, that led me to decide to look at new desks. Maybe I have weird rituals to deal with stress but at least it is putting me in a much better mood! I have a lot of stress and today is going to be one helluva day with a full day of classes and having to cram in four DVD classes in between classes and find sometime to catch up on sleep as well. Hopefully I can make it through today alive!
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You’ll always be my thunder
I am happy to report my first weigh in with THRIVE went awesome. I lost 12 pounds last week. Yes, 12 pounds! That is seriously like the weight of my dog so basically, I lost a Jack. I was really proud of myself. I also weighed again tonight and lost another 4 pounds! So in two weeks, I’ve lost 16 pounds which is a lot of weight to come off my body in two weeks. Sadly, I don’t know if I will be losing again next week since I am going on vacation. I am very proud of myself but I really have earned this break. I need a break from the stress of school and not have to think about things such as what can I eat, etc. I do plan on drinking a lot of water and Sprite while I’m gone and eating within my timings. I have decided to treat myself to what I want to eat within reason for the next few days while I’m in Gatlinburg. I will deal with the repercussions once I get home. I do know once I get back it will be right back on THRIVE because this program is actually working for me which I am so excited about. You have no idea how exciting it is to step on a scale and see a smaller number compared to the last week. I also love the thrill of stepping into clothes that were a little snug or too tight a few weeks ago and have them fit a lot better now.
So as I’ve mentioned, I leave for Gatlinburg tomorrow. I am going with Jonathan, my sister Beth, and her boyfriend, Hayden. I really think we’ll have a fun trip since we were just informed this is the first week of the lights as well. Gatlinburg is known for it’s awesome lights around the holidays and this time we’ll get to see them for the first time this year. That is really exciting. We were also told about a trolley ride you can take to go view all of the lights which I am sure we will be doing. I love Christmas time and I love looking at all the lights. Even if we don’t do anything while we’re in Gatlinburg I will just be happy for a time away from home with no stress.
This past week has been a week of hell. Last Thursday I went to Scary Berry with Jonathan, Beth, and Hayden. Scary Berry was not so scary since I only got scared in one part. In the paper it was advertised as a haunted HAY RIDE but that actually turned out to be a short hay ride that drops you off in the middle of the woods where you make a mile trek back to the hay ride in the dark. I laughed at so many parts of it because it was so corny. The only part I got really scared at was a clown. I hate clowns. Yes, I know it’s an irrational fear but I can’t help it. There is just something about their white faces and red nose that rubs me the wrong way. I think this fear stems from watching the Stephen King movie with the clowns. So I saw a clown, freaked out, and twisted my knee. This all happened a quarter mile into the walk so I had to limp the rest of the three-quarters through the woods and Jonathan and I ended up being way behind the group. I swear, I felt like the biggest loser but the fact Jonathan stayed with me and kept telling me I was going to be okay really helped. I swear, I love that boy and the fact that he was so compassionate towards my injury really made me realize he feels the same way. When other stuff tried to come up to me he kinda turned me the opposite way. I guess he thought I was scared or something, I have no clue. I was just so glad to get back to the trailer when I did because I really thought I was gonna pass out from pain.
Halloween night was also eventful at my household since two adults decided to start cussing each other out and almost get into a fight in the middle of the road. Since when is it acceptable to drop the F bomb left and right around children? Never in my book which is exactly why I called the cops so they could kindly break them apart and move everything out of the street. Coach Shiftlett, out neighbor across the street, broke the fight up before it got physical thankfully. He also kept one of the adults fighting around long enough for the cops to talk to them. So the rest of the night, Coach Shiftlett stood in the middle of the road with his flashlight directing traffic and making sure people behaved. It just really annoyed me that there are such sad individuals around that will try to ruin something for the kids. I almost had to send my brother and sister, who both decided not to trick or treat but hand out candy instead, because of the language that was spewing out of both adults mouths.
I realize this blog is kind of skipping around but I don’t really feel like sticking to one subject. I have had a very stressful day and I am just waiting on my clothes to dry so I can fold them and finish packing. We are going to leave around 2 PM tomorrow after Beth gets out of class so I have some time in the morning to also get things ready. So, if I don’t get time to blog while in the mountains, I hope everyone has a great end of the week and weekend! I know I surely will be! 
So until next time, later loves!
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Some things just don’t last
So I really didn’t want to have to blog about this but obviously I am going to have to. Since I got back from vacation, Rans decided to ignore me. Every text I sent him went unanswered to the point I was extremely worried and somehow in my brain I talked myself into thinking that this all revolved around the death anniversary of Aaron instead of about us. Little did I know, it was about us in fact. Evidently in a span of a week he suddenly lost feelings for me. Whether that is true or it’s been happening or he pulled yet another douche move, I really don’t care. I am just past the point of trying to figure it out because trying to talk to him and getting him to tell me what’s going on is like getting blood from a turnip. At least, I think that’s how the old saying my grandma used to say goes. I am just so done with guys that drop me on my ass as soon as I start opening up and really letting myself go and not fear being hurt. He’s the first guy in a really long time I opened up to and didn’t hold back feelings because that’s my first instinct. I’ve been hurt so many times I’m a survivor and after a while you learn how to hold everything in one little compartment so there’s no chances of you getting hurt but with him I stopped compartmentalizing it all.
So that’s over and done with. I really think I’m close to being completely over it because he chose to let me go. You don’t chase after guys that don’t want to be chased after and I’ve learned that. Gaw, it was really sad when I watched the movie He’s Just Not That Into You and I realized I am the epitome of GiGi. Seriously, how sad is that? I always cling on to hope that a guy likes me for me when they are completely hopeless guys. I realize that now so that’s why I’m trying to change things. I don’t want to be that girl and I damn sure don’t want to be the rule so I will just wait on my exception.
In the meantime, I’ve started talking to an old friend, Drew. Actually, he’s an old crush if I must be completely honest even though he will never believe that. He is so cute and funny and he makes me smile so much my face hurts. He was definitely unexpected because I assumed we wouldn’t click anymore because it’s been so long. Luckily, we do and we get along and it’s so funny because I can’t bullshit him and some of my sarcastic comments that most people wouldn’t know were sarcastic, he does and calls me out on it! The happiness he’s brought me in two days is amazing and I feel like my old self. The old Kate before I was raped and used by other guys. It’s so funny how you never realize how much people change you until it’s too late. In my case, I realize it and it’s not too late to get that girl back. Hell, I used to be fun and didn’t give a rat’s ass what people thought of me. Now, I do care or I remain reserved because every time I let me guard down something terrible happens. And speaking of relationships as a whole, I was talking to one of my friends and he made me feel like the girl who has never known what a real boyfriend is. He was talking about how he took this girl out, planned the whole shindig, and sent her flowers to her house with the note attached telling her where to meet him. What the hell, how come that has NEVER happened to me? Every time I’ve gone on a date, the guy has never planned the whole thing or even tried to make it special. Wow, there’s seriously a lot I’m missing out on in life. Maybe it’s time I go find out exactly what I’m missing, ya think? That doesn’t mean I’m running from Rans to Drew, quite the opposite. Drew and I are just “besties” as he says. I don’t know what will happen and if something ever will. I do know that he has great potential of meaning a lot in my life because things feel like old times which is thrilling and scary at the same time. I’m just floored that back in the day he felt the same. And once again I am in now way saying we’re getting together or we ever will. Right now, I’m fine with that.
Anyways, I think it’s time I officially go unpack my suitcase. Yes, I know it’s been like two weeks but I can’t help it! I’ve been busy with finals and getting the siblings ready for school. I’m just glad to have a moment to be able to unpack. So for now I leave you with awesome pics of Hunting Island. Until next time, later lovelies! And yes, that IS a deer eating bread out our window. 
EDIT: So I had a really sucktacular day that I will post about later when I’m not so angry but despite me and Rans being over, he’s the only one who understood what all I was going through at that moment. That just goes to prove that even though you might not be with that person, they can still be there for you. Maybe we are better as just friends.
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I’m at a loss
The first part of my vacation was absolutely amazing. I really enjoyed the beach and spending time with Rans was definitely high up on my list. We all got along as a family and really enjoyed each others company. However, the day before we left that all changed. On Thursday, we went to Savannah to go on a ghost trolley and tour the city. It was just me, Rans, my mom, Donna, and Beth. I thought everything was going fine but evidently Beth and Donna were texting about me the whole ride there and back. Evidently per them Rans needed to slap the shit out of me and I needed to be put into my place. Beth also said that she was moving out because she’s so tired of me.
I didn’t find all of this out until the next day when I went to use Beth’s cellphone to call my mom. I left my cellphone at home, I’m a genius I know. So I went to text my mom since she wasn’t answering but went to the outbox by accident since I only have to press two buttons and my phone will go to “create a message” but Beth’s won’t. In the outbox I saw my name mentioned so of course, I read. I was completely floored and felt really betrayed. I just couldn’t believe Beth was talking about me but then when I saw who the texts were to I was floored even more. I guess I’ve always been the type that if I have a problem with you, I tell you to your face. I don’t lay around and hide my feelings so I can talk about you when you go out of a room. First off, I can’t believe my sister would do that because I considered Beth my best friend. This isn’t the first time she has done this to me though. I finally got a hold of my mom and told her what was going on and she was pretty mad herself.
Later that afternoon she told Beth and Donna they needed to face things and get it out in the open because the whole day they ignored my mom and me and Beth had her little huffy attitude. When it all came out my step-dad tried to say I had Donna’s phone and put his two cents in. First off, he needs to stay out because when he drinks he imagines shit and that pissed my mom off even more. She knows when I am telling the truth and if I am not and so she knew I WAS being honest unlike everyone else. Needless to say Beth decided to show her ass and try to swing and push on me. While trying to hit me she hit my mom. Yeah, that pissed me off even more so I shoved her in the corner of the door frame. I wouldn’t hit her but if she kept on I would have dropped her to the ground to defend myself. It’s kind of funny that I was the only one that handled myself with maturity and tactfulness. Beth wanted to fight and Donna wanted to be silent. I just don’t understand people at all.
Right now, I’m at a loss because I don’t know how to act anymore. Beth acts like nothing has happened but her half-assed apology isn’t going to put a bandaid over this wound. To be honest, I don’t think things will ever be the same. I don’t trust her and I feel betrayed. Feelings like that don’t change over night. I was upset all day yesterday because I was really bugging over what I should say or do because I feel weird about the whole situation. Luckily, I have an amazing boyfriend who helped me through everything. Rans just told me that I can’t make people change and I don’t need that in my life. Yes, I do have to live with her but that doesn’t mean we have to be friends again. I can be civil without setting myself up to be betrayed by her yet again. She really needs to grow up and realize that how she acts is the spitting image of her mother which is someone she hates. When she tried to fight me, that proved exactly who she is like. You don’t handle situations like that, you talk things out. I guess I’ve really proved that I have grown up a lot lately because six months ago I would have busted her ass like there was no tomorrow. I used to let my anger get the best of me and that is one thing I’ve really worked on toning down and I think I’ve succeeded.
I really felt like I needed to blog and get that out there since it’s really been bugging me and eating away at me. Now, I really do feel better. All of the stress from that was far from what I needed considering I’m in the last week and a half of full session and then next Tuesday I have my substitute teacher training course in the morning so I can officially sub! I have a lot going on for me in my life and I’m trying to not let things bog me down. I’ve now come to the realization that I do deserve more out of my life and I won’t take less than I deserve! So until next time, later lovelies.
Read MoreMisc.
