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You’re my sunshine after the rain
Here I sit at our dining room table supposedly writing a paper on what my beliefs are when it comes to my future classroom based on the theories of cognitive, language, and socio-emotional development, but I have no clue where to begin or even what I believe in. I feel like my brain is shut off today. Have you ever had one of those days? Hopefully I am not alone.
Other than my lack of smart skills today, my weekend has been pretty good so far. Friday night Rans came over after work. It was our eight month anniversary and he surprised me with Tropicana roses which happen to be my favorite. They are so pretty and I love how he just randomly brings me flowers but this time I guess they were special since it was our anniversary. We celebrate every month anniversary in some ways even if its just a “happy anniversary” and I always get him a card so now he expects it. If I can do something little, like give him a card, to show him how much I love him then of course I will.
I’m getting a lot better at showing my feelings and expressing my love. Coming from a family who happens to include an abusive father (at least he used to be that way) it’s kind of hard to learn to express love and to show someone how much you love them. My mom was always one to give us hugs and kisses and shower us with love but the memories from my dad still linger no matter how hard I try to block them out. For me, not being able to say how I feel was a big obstacle and left Rans not knowing how I felt a lot of the time so when I finally decided to just put my heart out there at first he was wondering why I was being so nice and lovey dovey which really hurt my feelings and made me feel as if I wasn’t being such a great girlfriend. I guess in my mind I always assumed things like that would come naturally but after working at it for the past month or two it’s a lot easier. That just goes to prove how many things we take for granted in life.
On the site front, I plan on adding a lot of stuff to my domain over time but right now my summer is packed and I literally mean packed! In my free time I will be working on my other blog by revamping it and getting everything ready to go so I can start paid blogging over there. Since my schedule for this summer and even this fall is going to be jammed pack I wanted a way to earn a little bit of income aside from my financial aid from school since there isn’t going to be a whole lot of that left over except this summer. I find it utterly ridiculous that I have to get loans since evidently my mom makes “too much” while drawing her disability. That my friends is quite sad. I understand that everyone is in an economical crisis but shouldn’t we take this time to try to support more people trying to go back to school and better themselves? For instance if one man got laid off from one school shouldn’t we aid him in going back to school to better himself so he can qualify for another job that is not being laid off? Same thing with me, I realized there isn’t a life in computers where I live so I wanted to go back to be a teacher but I receive no help other than a loan which is going to have me in debt up to my eyeballs when I graduate and get a job. That’s just crazy in my eyes.
I supposed I will play the good student and try to write my essay. It’s only 500-800 words but deciding what I want to say and how I want to say it isn’t so easy. So later lovelies! I’ll visit the people who commented my last entry later!
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Show me ya Suga
Well here I am, a couple of days later feeling somewhat better. I did go to the doctor and found out I do not have strep throat but I have a lot of icky drainage and a bad sinus infection. He also said I could have tonsillitis since my tonsils were so red and swollen. That’s really nothing new for me though since I get sore throats a lot. He did give me two prescriptions and I’ve been taking them religiously. I want to get better so bad. I’m really concerned about missing school and having to make it up, ya know?
So two nights ago Loverboy came up here and tonight he will be leaving. I missed him so much and the first night was spent cuddling and telling each other sweet nothings. Heh. We’ve been texting a lot lately and all of our texts are so sweet and romantic but to hear them in person is a big difference. I am not one to openly share my feelings, let alone say them out loud but to him I did and it felt good. I guess in a way I am growing up. We’ve been talking a lot lately about getting married and moving in together. In the beginning he wanted to wait until I graduated for us to get married, but now he said it’s up to me. So whenever he puts the ring on my finger, I’m picking a date. I already have a date picked out actually, but I am not posting it here. I will say that it’s a date important to me and he already knows what date it is because I’ve always said that’s the date I want to get married on over and over. It’s just refreshing to talk about marriage and have someone as enthused about it as I am.
Anyways, I don’t think I’ve mentioned here but I had to get glasses. I like them but I hate wearing them. They make me sick and getting used to them is a long battle. They made me so sick the first two days I wore them and then I got sick so I haven’t needed to wear them. Only one side of my glasses has a lens in it that is my prescription while the other side is just a plain lens. Evidently only one of my eyes is bad and the other has been overcompensating for it so now when I wear my glasses my other eye is still trying to overcompensate for the other which makes me feel dizzy and gives me headaches. Hopefully if I keep wearing them all weekend I can wear them to school on Monday. I hope so at least.
This weekend I really don’t have any plans since I want to take it easy and get some rest so I will feel a lot better on Monday. I only have like two weeks of school left, thankfully. I’m ready for a much needed break!! So I’m going to go cuddle up on the couch and wait on my loverboy to get done installing new blinds in our kitchen window that my mom bought two weeks ago. She replaced all blinds in the living room, kitchen, and my room since Jack is over his blind-terrorizing spell. So anyways, until next time, later lovelies!
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That was so me.
Ever since things have started falling into place in my life, I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting upon what I have to feel thankful for and what I would like to work on to better myself. I know I spent a lot of my life going through the day to day and never thinking about the others I affected around me. Heck, in my teen years it was all about me, me, and oh yeah, me. I think everyone goes through phases like that but since my mom’s wreck, I’ve really been trying to be more aware of the things I do and how they affect the people that surround me. I guess I’m trying to become a better person and control my moodiness at times so I will learn to have more patience once I start teaching. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. lol.
Tonight the boyfriend decided to play Mr. Fix It. You see, two weeks ago, he bought me a new door knob for my room. This one locks with a key and we gave my mom the keys to it. My old door locked but my little sister and brother would unlock it with their fingernails, crafty little kids. Well, since the boyfriend installed it, my door won’t shut. It’s the thing the thing is supposed to latch into. I have no idea what to call it but after about an hour of messing with it, he fixed it. He fixed it way before that but we noticed the bottom hinge to my door was completely off so we put it back on and that changed how the door locked. Then we had a hard time making the door latch because the new door knob was different than my old one so he chiseled some of my door frame out so it would finally latch. How lucky am I to have a sexy Mr. Fix It.
I really didn’t want to put this on my blog but my Lord, he completely surprised me last night. I’m not big on being touch feely and one to make out all the time but wow, I love being close to him. I love laying in his arms and he definitely was macking last night. That’s okay, he is allowed to. Needless to say I really had bed hair afterward. He is the only one I’ve felt passion for I guess you could say. It’s like this feeling comes over me where I want to feel close to him and I want his hands on my body and my hands on his. Plus, I’ve never had a guy literally drive me crazy and to the point where I am shaking from feeling overwhelmingly awesome. I don’t know how else to describe it. My boyfriend is talented. And no, we did not have sex. That’s one thing I don’t see us doing for a while. I like this stage of our relationship though. Ever since he announced I’m the one and we’re going to get married one day, it feels like we’re reintroducing ourselves to each other. Everything seems brand new because I have a whole new comfort level with him. I feel relaxed and like I know he loves me for me and I love him for him. It’s amazing.
The only downside to my night is Mary calling crying. She’s having guy troubles and is upset. I feel so bad for her because Mary is an awesome girl and deserves a guy right for her. Maybe she will find him. It seems like a lot of people around me are having relationship problems. My friend Jon is trying to get back with a girl he adores and slowly is trying to earn her trust back. I hope he does. Jon (who is known as Brain and I’m Pinky, get it, Pinky and the Brain!!) is an amazing guy and has always been there for me. He is honestly my saving grace. Besides Rans, he’s the most important guys in my life. It’s great having a guy friend you can tell your troubles to and get the guy perspective from, ya know?
Anyways, I just wanted to write a blog and get some things off my chest. The whole thankfulness came from me uploading pictures to my new Flickr account and memories come rushing back of happy moments in my life. So as usual, until next time, later gators!
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Frustration & Confusion .. not a good combo
So last night after class, I came into my room to check my e-mail and was completely floored. I had about 100 sign-ups to various newsletters that I never signed up for. Then I had an invite to maximtogo in which “Randy” (Rans real name) left me this message “i want a hotter girfriend cuz ur ugly sweete baby kate” which I’m sure you can guess my reaction to that. So basically I got a message from my boyfriend saying I was ugly. Wow, thanks. I sent him a text message and was really pissed and then after thinking about it I realized it wasn’t him. So I texted him again and told him that. This whole time he is barely texting me.
In fact, he never said I love you, never said anything sweet, he just barely talked. I’m beginning to get used to this from him. Back when we first started dating I poured my heart out to him over voicemail since he wouldn’t pick up and he never said anything. So I’m trying to realize he is a changed person and not think that history is repeating itself but it’s hard. I’m so used to being pessimistic and I’m so used to him, I don’t want to lose him. I don’t know why people are messing with him.
Now moving on to this morning, I have close to 500 spam messages TO his old and new email address that I got sent. They are all spam newsletters and I am livid. I can’t even decipher what’s my real e-mail and what’s not because there are so many messages filling up Thunderbird. I did see a message that I got a little while ago from his friend who has received the same messages as well. So at least it’s not me. I tried to e-mail him and ask him what’s going on but he hasn’t replied. I don’t know if he’s busy or asleep or just ignoring me. I’m hoping he’s asleep.
So my question is have you ever had something happen to you that you really wanted to think the worst and it was overpowering your attempts to remain positive? If so what did you do and how did the situation turn out? I was told by someone I need to have more faith in people and I am really trying to but it’s hard when you’re so used to getting crapped on relentlessly.
Anyways, I need to get dressed and head to my first class. Yay communications. *sarcasm* I have to give a speech introducing a fellow classmate and I am so worried I’ll stumble all over my words. I don’t like speaking in front of people but at least it’s only 5 other people! It definitely could be worse. So until next time, later gators.
Read MoreBaby, we’re forever.
Hey lovelies! Yes, I am in an amazing mood but I will explain more about that later. First off, Mary is in Georgia!!! Oh yes. I picked her up at the airport with Rans. First let me start from the beginning.
On Wednesday night, me and Rans were supposed to meet his parents and then pick Mary up from the airport. When we were getting gas, I decided to call my dad and see if he found out about his liver panel. He was supposed to have the liver panel to see what caused his liver disease. My step-mom told me that their findings led them to tell my dad that there wasn’t anything medicine could do to help him. Basically, there isn’t anything they can do. So I guess my dad is going to be put on the donor list. I’m not sure. I really want to go out there and talk to my step-mom more and find out the exact diagnosis so I can make my mom do some research and find out what we’re dealing with. I’m scared. I love my daddy and even though he’s not in my life that often, I can’t imagine never seeing him again.
On the way to Rans’ house I just put my head against the window and held his hand. Just holding his hand and letting my emotions run free really helped me deal with everything. It was bad because I was worried I would be all down when meeting his parents. He knew I was crying though but he didn’t say anything. He just told me everything would be okay and part of me believes him. I’m just going to put my faith in God that my dad will be okay and live a long life. I just want my dad to be there for the small things ya know; like walking me down the aisle at my wedding and being there for the birth of his grand kids.
The meeting of his parents went really well. I love his parents and his grandma. His dog, Logan, is so cute as well even though he’s a crotch sniffer. Ha. His parents were so loving and you can tell they care a great deal about him. His room definitely fits him as well. It’s so nice to finally meet the people I hear him talking about ya know. I was surprised that he kept the stuffed dog I got him for Easter. It was on his dresser and that made me feel special since he kept it. I gave it to him the first time we were together and since we broke up since then I assumed he threw it away or something. He’s so sweet. I also found out he doesn’t have Yahoo anymore either. That kind of says a lot ya know. He’s not online talking to girls obviously. Not that I thought he was. I trust him completely. When I left his mom hugged me bye and both his mom and dad told me to come back and I was welcome anytime. Seeing the people who raised him just assures me 100% how awesome he is. At least I know where he gets it from now. He also looks like his dad, a lot.
On the way from his house to the airport I got car sick. I almost had to make him pull over so I could puke. He was freaking out since if I puked evidently he was going to as well. I’ve never been to the airport before and it was so neat seeing the planes come down and land. I had to sit on a bench while he went to baggage claim to get Mary. I had to go to the bathroom at the airport and I did end up getting sick. I think it was my nerves and I got really hot in the car. Luckily, I felt better after we picked Mary up! We ran and hugged each other. Lol. Yes, me and Mary had an airport moment. Haha! It’s so awesome having her here. Mary is one of my best friends and we’ve had a lot of fun. Sadly, we haven’t done much since she is sick and now I am not feeling that great either. Tomorrow we’re going to the movies and Olive Garden. Next week we plan on making a few day trips since we both should be feeling better and on Thursday we’re going to a hockey game. Yes, ya know Mary has to see her hockey! Ha.
The other day was also mine and Rans’ anniversary. I wrote him this really long card expressing how I feel and how much he means to me. I’ve never been the type to say how I feel but with him I find it easy. I wouldn’t let him read it in front of me though. At first he never said anything which kind of worried me but he did write me an e-mail last night that made me cry when I read it this morning. I’ve seriously just never had someone to say those type of things to me. I know more and more he is my prince charming.
Anyways, I’m going to get off of here before I get death by a nine year old who wants to feed her puffle on Club Penguin. But first, I leave you with some eye candy of Jack, Selena, and Jack hijacking Selena’s Hannah Montana sleeping bag. Mary went to sleep early so I agreed to let Selena sleep in my floor in her sleeping bag. Wait never mind on the Jack stealing the sleeping bag picture, it didn’t turn out so well!! So until next time, later gators!
Jack playing with Pinky, his favorite toy!
Selena ready for our sleepover! Ha!
Misc.
