Posted by admin | 2 comments

A sigh of relief

It’s hilarious how I talk about my brother and sister-in-law and he happens to be the one that awoken me from my nice little nap. Thanks big brother! He called because he is looking to get my sister-in-law a new computer and printer since theirs isn’t there best. Evidently, their computer and printer has crapped out so it’s time to buy a new one. He wanted to know what I recommend as far as brands and where to shop since we literally went from having four computer stores to like one, Staples. So after a twenty minute conversation, I’m interested to find out what he buys in the end.

Aside from the lack of sleep I’ve had lately, I am happy to report that my mood has improved completely. In fact, no more acne solutions for me because my face has cleared up which has given me confidence back. I really am unsure what is going on with me but I’m just glad it’s not affecting me at this moment. I just thought today during class that it could be because of my thyroid level since I’ve been waiting to have it checked since I don’t have insurance. So I guess I need to bite the bullet and have it drawn. Hopefully once I have it drawn, my Dr. can adjust my level and I can feel better again. This whole having seasonal depression and no energy at all mixed with my whole body hurting is for the birds.

My classes went really well today. I think I made a 100 on my test I had in geography over the map. I knew where everything was and was glad I studied a little extra as I was getting to bed last night. In my education class, we went over teachers’ salaries and the prospective jobs when we graduate. It turns out my first year of teaching I can expect to bring in $40,000. Also, within five years, 50% of Georgia teachers will be retiring which is awesome since I will be graduating when they are in time for retirement. Another thing our professor told us about was that in 2020, there is an expected need of 20,000 teachers in Georgia and last year, the state only turned out 4,400 teachers which means my future is looking even brighter. This class gave me the biggest sigh of relief because finding a job has been something I’ve been very worried about. This all took a big burden off of my shoulders because even if I don’t find a job once I graduate, I know I can head to school for my master’s degree and find a job within the first year. Out of all the graduates from West Georgia this spring, only two didn’t find a job because they weren’t willing to take the job offered to them. So, even with the recession, all of them were offered jobs and if I have to travel, so be it. Even if I have to move, so be it, because I can stay there until something closer opens up. I am not going to panic over my future because generally when you get a job as a teacher, you have a job for life.

I don’t know if it’s my good mood or my amazing class today, but I feel in a great mood. I think I’m going to go cuddle with the fiance and watch a movie. He expressed how much he misses spending time with me last night and it made me realize that even though we live together, we don’t spend that much quality time together because of my school schedule and his. We need to make more time for each other! So until next time, later loves.

Read More

Posted by admin | 3 comments

Some things just don’t last

So I really didn’t want to have to blog about this but obviously I am going to have to. Since I got back from vacation, Rans decided to ignore me. Every text I sent him went unanswered to the point I was extremely worried and somehow in my brain I talked myself into thinking that this all revolved around the death anniversary of Aaron instead of about us. Little did I know, it was about us in fact. Evidently in a span of a week he suddenly lost feelings for me. Whether that is true or it’s been happening or he pulled yet another douche move, I really don’t care. I am just past the point of trying to figure it out because trying to talk to him and getting him to tell me what’s going on is like getting blood from a turnip. At least, I think that’s how the old saying my grandma used to say goes. I am just so done with guys that drop me on my ass as soon as I start opening up and really letting myself go and not fear being hurt. He’s the first guy in a really long time I opened up to and didn’t hold back feelings because that’s my first instinct. I’ve been hurt so many times I’m a survivor and after a while you learn how to hold everything in one little compartment so there’s no chances of you getting hurt but with him I stopped compartmentalizing it all.

So that’s over and done with. I really think I’m close to being completely over it because he chose to let me go. You don’t chase after guys that don’t want to be chased after and I’ve learned that. Gaw, it was really sad when I watched the movie He’s Just Not That Into You and I realized I am the epitome of GiGi. Seriously, how sad is that? I always cling on to hope that a guy likes me for me when they are completely hopeless guys. I realize that now so that’s why I’m trying to change things. I don’t want to be that girl and I damn sure don’t want to be the rule so I will just wait on my exception.

In the meantime, I’ve started talking to an old friend, Drew. Actually, he’s an old crush if I must be completely honest even though he will never believe that. He is so cute and funny and he makes me smile so much my face hurts. He was definitely unexpected because I assumed we wouldn’t click anymore because it’s been so long. Luckily, we do and we get along and it’s so funny because I can’t bullshit him and some of my sarcastic comments that most people wouldn’t know were sarcastic, he does and calls me out on it! The happiness he’s brought me in two days is amazing and I feel like my old self. The old Kate before I was raped and used by other guys. It’s so funny how you never realize how much people change you until it’s too late. In my case, I realize it and it’s not too late to get that girl back. Hell, I used to be fun and didn’t give a rat’s ass what people thought of me. Now, I do care or I remain reserved because every time I let me guard down something terrible happens. And speaking of relationships as a whole, I was talking to one of my friends and he made me feel like the girl who has never known what a real boyfriend is. He was talking about how he took this girl out, planned the whole shindig, and sent her flowers to her house with the note attached telling her where to meet him. What the hell, how come that has NEVER happened to me? Every time I’ve gone on a date, the guy has never planned the whole thing or even tried to make it special. Wow, there’s seriously a lot I’m missing out on in life. Maybe it’s time I go find out exactly what I’m missing, ya think? That doesn’t mean I’m running from Rans to Drew, quite the opposite. Drew and I are just “besties” as he says. I don’t know what will happen and if something ever will. I do know that he has great potential of meaning a lot in my life because things feel like old times which is thrilling and scary at the same time. I’m just floored that back in the day he felt the same. And once again I am in now way saying we’re getting together or we ever will. Right now, I’m fine with that.

Anyways, I think it’s time I officially go unpack my suitcase. Yes, I know it’s been like two weeks but I can’t help it! I’ve been busy with finals and getting the siblings ready for school. I’m just glad to have a moment to be able to unpack. So for now I leave you with awesome pics of Hunting Island. Until next time, later lovelies! And yes, that IS a deer eating bread out our window.

EDIT: So I had a really sucktacular day that I will post about later when I’m not so angry but despite me and Rans being over, he’s the only one who understood what all I was going through at that moment. That just goes to prove that even though you might not be with that person, they can still be there for you. Maybe we are better as just friends.

Read More

Posted by admin | 5 comments

Wow, look at the time!

So I am currently sprawled out over my bed typing away on my laptop at three minutes to 5 AM. Why you ask? Well, I will tell you why. I have a huge research assignment which is also our final grade for my computers class and since my computers class ends this Wednesday, I have to get this baby done. I chose to do my assignment on Clara Barton because I really wanted to pick a woman who I considered influential. Not only is she inspiring to nurses but also to teachers as Clara was a teacher before she ever was a nurse. She often found herself working for little to no pay in the poorest of areas just to be able to educate and reach out to those children that were less fortunate. That is very inspiring to me.

So I’ve decided to take a break from my research paper for the night and since I had my laptop out, I thought I’d blog for once. I still have not got a new monitor but I might do that tomorrow. I had to wash all my clothes and tidy up my room before I decided to do anything else this weekend. I also really want to get this paper done so I can be lazy all Spring Break. Yes, the week of the 16th is Spring Break for me. I am so excited. Hopefully I will get to spend some time with the loverboy. We spent last Thursday night through Tuesday night and it actually went a lot better than I thought. You see, I get tired of people. No idea why but I tend to be a moody little pain in the ass. Well with him, I didn’t get annoyed with him or tired of him, I generally liked spending all of that time with him which says a lot since I was on my period!

On the whole Prozac front, I’m still feeling a lot better. I think that I didn’t need medicine originally because the medicine really made me feel awful and have a lot of horrible thoughts. I was even having suicidal thoughts at one point and after those thoughts I had to go off the medicine. I love my life and for me to feel that bad, something had to change. My mom has also noticed I’m not as moody now that I’m off of it and I’m generally a lot happier. Hell, even the boyfriend noticed my stableness. So I am happy to be me and actually feel like I am me. It’s like a brain fog has finally been lifted and I can see clearly now.

Since it is after 5 AM now, I think it’s a given I should take my happy butt to bed. The rest of my research paper will be a breeze since I’m now to the point where Clara starts the Red Cross and all that jazz. So I got smooth sailing from here on out on the research paper and I can do my Power Point presentation in class. Hooray. I am excited to have a 4.0 in that class since he only accepts 100′s. Lol. Also, I found out some interesting news on the financial aid front from my college thanks to the fact I can file independent. Hoorah! I need that money big time and now I am not in fear of having to quit college due to money problems. Okay, enough jabbering, I’m off to bed. So until next time, later gators!! I’ll put my new theme up after my paper is done as well.

Read More

Posted by admin | 6 comments

Mother Nature, must you hate us?

The weather officially sucks big ones. I was so excited that Rans was going to be up here last night and when I walked into the kitchen from getting groceries and picking up some fast food for dinner I immediately was saddened. Rans is sick and his eyes were all puffy and watery. Poor baby. So now after spending time with him, I’m stopping up, too. Actually I think pretty much everyone I know of is getting sick. It’s the weather since Mother Nature can’t pick a season. Last week it was in the high 70′s and everyone was wearing shorts and capris but today it’s in the low 50′s for a high and low 30′s for our daytime low. Heck, yesterday I wore bermuda shorts and a tee shirt and was fine but today I wouldn’t step out without having on jeans and a hoodie.

So today I spent most of my time sleeping. I forgot to take my synthroid lately which had me feeling really weak and really moody the past few days so now that I took it last night, I feel like I’m going through a roller coaster. One minute I will be fine and the next my body will be aching again. I hate this. I lost my medicine when I packed it up from our trip to Gatlinburg. I finally found it the other day so now I can get back to feeling better.

Although today I almost had a heart attack!! I’m swapping colleges in January and I thought the deadline to have everything in was November 1st. Well, no, it’s not. Thank God. I have to have a copy of my GED scores (I got my GED because my mom was in a bad car wreck so I became home schooled to help around the house) and I could not find them anywhere. So I have to now mail this form in and wait 4 weeks for me to receive my scores. That’s fine as long as all my information is submitted by December 10th. Financial aid has to be submitted by the 1st of November which is not a big problem at all. I’m just so excited that I finally made up my mind. I’ve let my past with the rape and social anxiety govern my life for so long. I’ve been scared to try new things and pursue my dreams so I played it safe by taking majors I knew I would be good at. After my summer vacation, I had some time to really think about my life and what all I wanted. I made up my mind that I wanted to be a teacher and I wanted Rans. So I already got Rans, now it’s time to get the teaching degree. Heh. So tomorrow I plan on mailing my form off.

I can’t describe how awesome I feel knowing what I want. Anyways, I need to go cook dinner. Mexican chicken!!! I’ll have to take a pic and post a recipe later. Maybe I will add some recipes to my blog. That’d be awesome since I love to bake and cook but I haven’t felt like cooking for a while now. It’s funny that now that I’m happy I can’t wait to bake away! Lol. So until next time, later gators.

Read More