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The fog is lifting
I have been thinking really long and hard lately about just deleting this whole domain and restarting but I realized deleting this domain is deleting a part of myself and my past. Our pasts are what makes us the person each of us are today so by doing so I’d lose hold of that person which would be a bad thing. So I’ve decided just to start fresh from here on out blogging how I want to and when I want to. I always try to keep my blog positive and uplifting instead of touching base with my real feelings at time and because of that, I apologize because the new “blogging me” might come as a bit of a shock. I am not always shiny and happy. In fact, I’ve been becoming increasingly more depressed lately as the seasons change. I think I have seasonal depression because when the sun is out and shining, I am happy and when it is not I am all gloomy inside. Hopefully I will have the time and money to visit a doctor and get that taken care of soon.
As I’ve said it’s been kind of dark and gloomy in my world these past few days. Simple things seem to set me off. Like yesterday, I had plans to go to the movies with Jonathan but then I remembered I had a cooking show to go to. Jonathan was upset I made plans again and as usual something came up and then my mom was mad because she bought my ticket therefor I was going. I cried and cried yesterday over this because I was upset I let the two people I love the most down. Usually I would have brushed off the situation and worked out a solution but seeing as the seasonal depression has been lurking around me I had a breakdown. I swear I cried for a good hour and a half straight to the point Jonathan kept asking me what was wrong and I couldn’t answer him because I didn’t know. I kept telling him I couldn’t stop crying and he just laid down with me and held me telling me everything was going to be okay. That helped a little but the tears wouldn’t stop at least not right then. When they finally did stop I felt really stupid because I had just acted a fool in front of him. I also felt bad because he thought my crying was all of his fault but then I had to explain to him my whole history with depression and how I used to be on Prozac but it made me have suicidal thoughts so I stopped taking it. I don’t care what is going on in my life, it is NOT worth killing myself over and when I had those thoughts it scared the crap out of me. It also made me have horrible mood swings and I’d go from a high to a low in the matter of minutes. After stopping the medicine, I was fine and my usual self which I missed. So I guess I will consider the option of medicine again.
In other news, my mom and I joined THRIVE weight loss. A bunch of our friends have been on it and lost a lot of weight so we thought it’d be worth checking out. So far on our scale at home it looks like I’ve almost lost a little over ten pounds but now I’m worried our scale and the scale at the center won’t be the same. Even if it isn’t, I’ve done my best. I never realized how big of a battle it would be to change my eating habits but I am fighting for my life so to speak. I just want to be able to go into any store and be able to buy an article of clothing without having to go to a “fat girl” store. I was even let down when I drove an hour away to go to an Avenue and all the sizes there were 14/16 and mind you this is a store that goes up to a size 32 so I was expecting to find my size since they have such a variety of sizes available! I only found one pair of jeans in my size because I really didn’t see many sizes over a 20. I feel sorry for the people in a bigger size than I am because if I only found one pair of my size, there were literally no bigger sizes available. It was very disappointing to say the least. I officially weigh tonight so I will let you know my results tomorrow or the next blog.
And now I need to start getting ready but I will leave you with some pictures I took outside today. It was sunny and pretty outside so I thought I’d take Jack outside and our cat, Precious, decided she wanted to play with him. They had fun running around for a bit and I enjoyed watching them until Jonathan let go of the leash by accident as Jack started running and it came up and bashed my leg which is now bruised from it. Ouch. But until next time, later my loves!
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Show me ya Suga
Well here I am, a couple of days later feeling somewhat better. I did go to the doctor and found out I do not have strep throat but I have a lot of icky drainage and a bad sinus infection. He also said I could have tonsillitis since my tonsils were so red and swollen. That’s really nothing new for me though since I get sore throats a lot. He did give me two prescriptions and I’ve been taking them religiously. I want to get better so bad. I’m really concerned about missing school and having to make it up, ya know?
So two nights ago Loverboy came up here and tonight he will be leaving. I missed him so much and the first night was spent cuddling and telling each other sweet nothings. Heh. We’ve been texting a lot lately and all of our texts are so sweet and romantic but to hear them in person is a big difference. I am not one to openly share my feelings, let alone say them out loud but to him I did and it felt good. I guess in a way I am growing up. We’ve been talking a lot lately about getting married and moving in together. In the beginning he wanted to wait until I graduated for us to get married, but now he said it’s up to me. So whenever he puts the ring on my finger, I’m picking a date. I already have a date picked out actually, but I am not posting it here. I will say that it’s a date important to me and he already knows what date it is because I’ve always said that’s the date I want to get married on over and over. It’s just refreshing to talk about marriage and have someone as enthused about it as I am.
Anyways, I don’t think I’ve mentioned here but I had to get glasses. I like them but I hate wearing them. They make me sick and getting used to them is a long battle. They made me so sick the first two days I wore them and then I got sick so I haven’t needed to wear them. Only one side of my glasses has a lens in it that is my prescription while the other side is just a plain lens. Evidently only one of my eyes is bad and the other has been overcompensating for it so now when I wear my glasses my other eye is still trying to overcompensate for the other which makes me feel dizzy and gives me headaches. Hopefully if I keep wearing them all weekend I can wear them to school on Monday. I hope so at least.
This weekend I really don’t have any plans since I want to take it easy and get some rest so I will feel a lot better on Monday. I only have like two weeks of school left, thankfully. I’m ready for a much needed break!! So I’m going to go cuddle up on the couch and wait on my loverboy to get done installing new blinds in our kitchen window that my mom bought two weeks ago. She replaced all blinds in the living room, kitchen, and my room since Jack is over his blind-terrorizing spell. So anyways, until next time, later lovelies!
Read MoreBaby, we’re forever.
Hey lovelies! Yes, I am in an amazing mood but I will explain more about that later. First off, Mary is in Georgia!!! Oh yes. I picked her up at the airport with Rans. First let me start from the beginning.
On Wednesday night, me and Rans were supposed to meet his parents and then pick Mary up from the airport. When we were getting gas, I decided to call my dad and see if he found out about his liver panel. He was supposed to have the liver panel to see what caused his liver disease. My step-mom told me that their findings led them to tell my dad that there wasn’t anything medicine could do to help him. Basically, there isn’t anything they can do. So I guess my dad is going to be put on the donor list. I’m not sure. I really want to go out there and talk to my step-mom more and find out the exact diagnosis so I can make my mom do some research and find out what we’re dealing with. I’m scared. I love my daddy and even though he’s not in my life that often, I can’t imagine never seeing him again.
On the way to Rans’ house I just put my head against the window and held his hand. Just holding his hand and letting my emotions run free really helped me deal with everything. It was bad because I was worried I would be all down when meeting his parents. He knew I was crying though but he didn’t say anything. He just told me everything would be okay and part of me believes him. I’m just going to put my faith in God that my dad will be okay and live a long life. I just want my dad to be there for the small things ya know; like walking me down the aisle at my wedding and being there for the birth of his grand kids.
The meeting of his parents went really well. I love his parents and his grandma. His dog, Logan, is so cute as well even though he’s a crotch sniffer. Ha. His parents were so loving and you can tell they care a great deal about him. His room definitely fits him as well. It’s so nice to finally meet the people I hear him talking about ya know. I was surprised that he kept the stuffed dog I got him for Easter. It was on his dresser and that made me feel special since he kept it. I gave it to him the first time we were together and since we broke up since then I assumed he threw it away or something. He’s so sweet. I also found out he doesn’t have Yahoo anymore either. That kind of says a lot ya know. He’s not online talking to girls obviously. Not that I thought he was. I trust him completely. When I left his mom hugged me bye and both his mom and dad told me to come back and I was welcome anytime. Seeing the people who raised him just assures me 100% how awesome he is. At least I know where he gets it from now. He also looks like his dad, a lot.
On the way from his house to the airport I got car sick. I almost had to make him pull over so I could puke. He was freaking out since if I puked evidently he was going to as well. I’ve never been to the airport before and it was so neat seeing the planes come down and land. I had to sit on a bench while he went to baggage claim to get Mary. I had to go to the bathroom at the airport and I did end up getting sick. I think it was my nerves and I got really hot in the car. Luckily, I felt better after we picked Mary up! We ran and hugged each other. Lol. Yes, me and Mary had an airport moment. Haha! It’s so awesome having her here. Mary is one of my best friends and we’ve had a lot of fun. Sadly, we haven’t done much since she is sick and now I am not feeling that great either. Tomorrow we’re going to the movies and Olive Garden. Next week we plan on making a few day trips since we both should be feeling better and on Thursday we’re going to a hockey game. Yes, ya know Mary has to see her hockey! Ha.
The other day was also mine and Rans’ anniversary. I wrote him this really long card expressing how I feel and how much he means to me. I’ve never been the type to say how I feel but with him I find it easy. I wouldn’t let him read it in front of me though. At first he never said anything which kind of worried me but he did write me an e-mail last night that made me cry when I read it this morning. I’ve seriously just never had someone to say those type of things to me. I know more and more he is my prince charming.
Anyways, I’m going to get off of here before I get death by a nine year old who wants to feed her puffle on Club Penguin. But first, I leave you with some eye candy of Jack, Selena, and Jack hijacking Selena’s Hannah Montana sleeping bag. Mary went to sleep early so I agreed to let Selena sleep in my floor in her sleeping bag. Wait never mind on the Jack stealing the sleeping bag picture, it didn’t turn out so well!! So until next time, later gators!
Jack playing with Pinky, his favorite toy!
Selena ready for our sleepover! Ha!
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It’s fun to be random!
I have nothing nice to say at the moment since evidently Halloween (my favorite holiday) made me sick and now to add in with sinus problems, my Yaz (birth control) has me sick to my stomach as well. So I figured why not make a nifty little list since all I can do right now is ramble.. so ramble on!
• I miss my boyfriend. Yes, I’m taking the leap of faith and opening up. If I get hurt, I get hurt. I adore him and he is my world. You have no idea how comforting it is to know someone gives a dang about me and to have someone to talk to after a long day. Sad thing is I won’t get to see him or spend time with him until Sunday IF then. Stupid work schedules!
• My bestest friend, who I met via blogging and sites coincidentally, officially booked her plane ticket to Atlanta! Watch out Atlanta, Kateness and the awesome Mary (blog will be up & running soon) are going to take the city by storm! The boyfriend is going to go with me to pick her up since I’ve never been to the airport before and I hate driving at night, nevertheless in city traffic!
• My dog got out last night and we chased him for a good hour. I think he burnt his paw in the fire my step-dad had burning and our wild cat, Baby, attacked him as well. Poor Jack! Finally, a neighbor from up the street was walking her dog and Jack decided to stand his ground so the boyfriend had time to go snatch him up and bring him inside. My dog is a weenie dog but swears he is as big as a Pitbull!
• I finished the book I was reading. Specials by Scott Westerfield is a great book even though I feel horrible for Tally. Reading is one of my favorite past times and something I do daily. Since my stomach has been upset, it’s kept me company in between puking my guts up. Yes, I’m sure you wanted to know that! Hah. My next book I’m on to reading is Shopaholic & Baby which I am already half way through. I can’t wait until the rest of my Stephanie Plum books I’ve ordered off of PaperBack Swap.
• I love candy! What are your favorite candies? I’m sure we have some since we have over half of our candy left over. Evidently, everyone in town went to the football game instead of trick or treating which I don’t blame them. High school and college football games are the best! I am just glad we still have SweetTarts left over since they are my favorite candy ever. Don’t get me wrong, I love my chocolate but there is just something about SweetTarts that I like more! After all, that used to be my nickname or one of them back in high school.
• Speaking of college football, I am seriously disappointed in my team after this past weekend’s game. C’mon dawgs, it’s time to step up to the plate!! Yes, I am a huge-mongous UGA fan! Go Dawgs!!
That’s all for now. I shall upload all my Halloween photos when I feel better. I have some pictures of Jack to upload as well. Until next time, later gators!
Read MoreMisc.
