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I wish you were here

Hello lovelies, long time no blog, eh? I have really not been in the blogging mood or even chatting mood lately. I used to chat on Skype all the time but haven’t had the time lately thanks to an overload with school.

Right now I have a huge essay due tomorrow that I have to re-write because my topic is hard to have more than two points to support my topic. So I have to find a new source on Galileo and re-write my paper. I am kind of miffed about that but at the same time, I don’t care. That’s really been my overall problem lately; I just don’t give a damn anymore. I’m so bogged down and need a break it’s not funny. Not to mention this coming Fall I have more classes than I did this semester but thankfully they are mostly on DVD. I just can’t handle the going to school Monday-Thursday since my social anxiety is really acting up again.

On the loverboy front things are going really great. We celebrated our six month anniversary and every day gets better and better for us. I love him more each day but the distance is getting on my nerves. Most of our drama moments are because I hate the distance. I miss him and I need him and that scares me. I do not like needing people.

I really feel like I have constant battles inside my head between my brain and heart. I wish they’d finish fighting it out so there would be a winner. On top of the internal drama I have physical drama as well. I got glasses and I am still not used to them even though I got them Friday. I get dizzy when I wear them still but not as dizzy as the first time I put them on. I really like them but hate wearing them at the same time. They are a cute accessory though!

I hate to cut this short but I wanted to put up my new theme and make a short blog. I plan on blogging more again it really helps my mental health a lot since when I don’t blog I bottle everything up! I think I’ll go watch some movies. I watched Seven Pounds last night and that movie pissed me off because you don’t put everything together until the end and secondly because it was sad and made me sob for thirty minutes straight which gave me a headache! Ugh. So anyways, until next time, later loves!

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Wow, look at the time!

So I am currently sprawled out over my bed typing away on my laptop at three minutes to 5 AM. Why you ask? Well, I will tell you why. I have a huge research assignment which is also our final grade for my computers class and since my computers class ends this Wednesday, I have to get this baby done. I chose to do my assignment on Clara Barton because I really wanted to pick a woman who I considered influential. Not only is she inspiring to nurses but also to teachers as Clara was a teacher before she ever was a nurse. She often found herself working for little to no pay in the poorest of areas just to be able to educate and reach out to those children that were less fortunate. That is very inspiring to me.

So I’ve decided to take a break from my research paper for the night and since I had my laptop out, I thought I’d blog for once. I still have not got a new monitor but I might do that tomorrow. I had to wash all my clothes and tidy up my room before I decided to do anything else this weekend. I also really want to get this paper done so I can be lazy all Spring Break. Yes, the week of the 16th is Spring Break for me. I am so excited. Hopefully I will get to spend some time with the loverboy. We spent last Thursday night through Tuesday night and it actually went a lot better than I thought. You see, I get tired of people. No idea why but I tend to be a moody little pain in the ass. Well with him, I didn’t get annoyed with him or tired of him, I generally liked spending all of that time with him which says a lot since I was on my period!

On the whole Prozac front, I’m still feeling a lot better. I think that I didn’t need medicine originally because the medicine really made me feel awful and have a lot of horrible thoughts. I was even having suicidal thoughts at one point and after those thoughts I had to go off the medicine. I love my life and for me to feel that bad, something had to change. My mom has also noticed I’m not as moody now that I’m off of it and I’m generally a lot happier. Hell, even the boyfriend noticed my stableness. So I am happy to be me and actually feel like I am me. It’s like a brain fog has finally been lifted and I can see clearly now.

Since it is after 5 AM now, I think it’s a given I should take my happy butt to bed. The rest of my research paper will be a breeze since I’m now to the point where Clara starts the Red Cross and all that jazz. So I got smooth sailing from here on out on the research paper and I can do my Power Point presentation in class. Hooray. I am excited to have a 4.0 in that class since he only accepts 100′s. Lol. Also, I found out some interesting news on the financial aid front from my college thanks to the fact I can file independent. Hoorah! I need that money big time and now I am not in fear of having to quit college due to money problems. Okay, enough jabbering, I’m off to bed. So until next time, later gators!! I’ll put my new theme up after my paper is done as well.

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Blah

Yes, it’s been forever and a day since I’ve last blogged. My bad. I’ve been super busy with school and I’ve been down in the dumps thanks to Prozac. Now I’m Prozac free and happy. Yay me. Lol.

I will change themes and update my blog regularly again as soon as I get a new monitor. My monitor decided to blow up and the temp one is only 15 inches which is teenie tiny compared to my old 19 inch one. So until next time, later lovelies!

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Somedays, I wish I were in a fairytale

So much for uploading all of my Halloween photos because today I didn’t even wake up until well after noon. I swear when I woke up I felt like a freight train had ran my ass over. My whole body hurts and my throat is doing that let’s play with fire every time Kate swallows. Yeah throat, I love you too. I kind of had an accident with my bed so now one of my slats is completely messed up. The other day I moved my bed over to get something and unplug something and when I moved it back this slat wouldn’t go in place. So I being Miss Brilliant kicked it and jammed it into place. That so was not smart considering it decided to break two days ago and I had to sleep feeling like my head was downhill and my feet were uphill. That is so not good for my lungs! So that is the main reason I woke up at 7 AM this morning with a migraine from hell and a neck ache. When I grabbed my phone and looked to see the time I noticed I had a text message which was from Rans asking me if I was sick and telling me he had a fever of 101. So I guess I’m not the only sick one!

Moving on from the subject of sickness, I text messaged Rans to tell him we needed to talk. See, I have a problem with accepting compliments and when he gives them, I either say some smartass comeback or I completely play it off which makes me feel stupid. I guess when I look in the mirror, I don’t see anything worth complimenting on. I in no ways think I’m the ugliest person but I just don’t think I’m pretty or what not. Well, when he gives me compliments and tells me certain things I do feel pretty but only for a split second. Well, he assumed since I told him the dreaded “we need to talk” I was breaking up with him. Poor babe. I immediately explained and now everything is all good. I really want to learn how to be the loving and caring girlfriend that I want to be, I’m just too scared to be. I’m so scared that once I open up, things will go horribly wrong and I will be all alone again. Only this time, I know I’m with who I am supposed to be with and I know its forever. I just have some things to work out with the inner me which is a lot easier to address with this blog. So yes readers, your blogista is a very insecure girl trying to break out of her shell slowly but surely. I can’t change over night. I have so many things to get over and so many fuck you’s to say before I can move on!

Anyways, I am going to go play Sims 2 with Selena, my little sister. She is sick, too. She managed to sleep even later than I did which is really rare and bless her heart, she has a really bad cough! So I’m playing big sister and going to play the Sims and eat blow pops! Ha. So until next time, later gators! And Selena says good night all!