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Adulthood

Gone are the days where I could sleep until noon and then veg out all day. Gone are the days where I could eat when I wanted and what I wanted and not have to worry about gaining a pound. Gone are the days I could stay up all night looking up whatever I wanted on the internet such as term life insurance quote. Adulthood took a lot away from me but it also has given me a lot more. I would not trade my life for anything in the world. I have an amazing family with an even more amazing mom. I swear, my mom, husband, and sister are all considered my best friends. They are three people I can count on for anything. As I mentioned, I have a husband who I know wants to give me the world and if he could, he would. I know we have our ups and downs but what marriage doesn’t? With my amazing marriage came an even more amazing son. I love him to pieces and know that God must have smiled down on me for putting such a precious child in my life. I know I am destined for great things with such a positive support group behind me. I also have had a much better relationship with my father lately which I am thankful for. I truly love my dad and have enjoyed seeing him interact with Grayson. I just know if I keep pushing on, life can only get better from here!

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Vera is my weakness

My husband has made me realize that lately, I don’t ever take time to buy something nice for myself since I’m constantly spending my money on him and Grayson. I’m sorry but I’d much rather buy my adorable one year old a cute swingset instead of spending tons of money on a Prada purse or something of that like. So, to make the hubby happy, I went out and bought me a new Vera Bradley purse and change purse. I got the purse in the new Call Me Coral print and I adore it. I have also decided that when I start back school, I am going to buy me a school bag from Vera Bradley as well. I guess it’s the little things like a purse or a messenger bag that means I am taking time out of my days to think of myself for once!

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A sigh of relief

Now that the wedding is over and I have been a married woman for almost a month, I can finally sit back and relax. In fact, I can spend my days pondering about barcode scanners or whatever else my little heart desires. I have done away with the stress of wedding planning, finals, and school in general until June 8th. Even after June 8th I won’t have that much stress and it amazes me how I can sit around and do nothing and that is a-okay. I am not used to having so much free time on my hand and it’s been so nice yet so odd. I’ve spent a lot of time reading and catching up on my television. Kate has officially began her resting and relaxation period!

One project I plan on working on is fixing my blog up and getting into transition from accepting blog posts to just being an all out personal blog only! I can’t wait to have Kateness back to all Kateness and nothing else!

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Dresses, Baby Fever, and Speech Pathology

Ever since Jonathan popped the question, I’ve been stressing about finding a dress never the less finding the dress. It really is hard to find a wedding dress shop that caters to plus-size girls, but the lady at a store here where I live told me about this company Aurora and showed me their catalog since they cater to plus size women and believe in dresses cut especially for a full-figured woman’s silhouette so it would be more flattering on my body. When I first looked at the catalog I fell in love with a specific dress and knew as soon as I saw it I had to have it. This started a frantic search for me to find someone who had that dress in stock or could order it for me. I found a website for a bridal shop in Snellville which is two hours away and they didn’t have that dress in but had a few others in my size so I went down there to try on some. I fell in love with a dress that had a fitted corset bodice with pick ups in the bottom, but it didn’t really light my candle like the dress in the catalog did. The owner informed me while we were trying on dresses that the specific dress I was looking for had already been ordered and would be in their store sometime in the month of January. She also said she would sell me the dress when it got in even though she rarely sells the dresses she has in stock since most brides order their dresses so they are tailor made for them.

Earlier this week, I received an e-mail from the owner telling me that the dress was being delivered Wednesday and she looked forward to me coming in to try it on. On Thursday, my mom, sister, and I drove the two hours to Snellville so I could try on the dress. When I first put it on, I felt comfortable in it and when I looked in the mirror I got all teary eyed. I knew that this was THE dress I was meant to wear. I had never been so excited and emotional in my life because trying on the dress made it so real. Oh my God, I’m getting married in May! It was like the realization hit me all at once and I was so excited for it. So needless to say, Thursday I shelled out a grand on my dress and veil, but honestly the price didn’t matter because for once in my life, I felt beautiful. I didn’t feel like just another fat girl, I felt like I mattered and I was beautiful in my own right and when I walk down the aisle I know all eyes will be on me. The dress also made my face glow with happiness and can’t wait to actually show Jonathan on our wedding day.

In other news, I have been needing my haircut for a while since I have to get my haircut every five weeks on the dot or it drives me crazy. This time, I waited seven weeks so you can imagine how agitated I was. I hate when my hair gets past a certain length because it bothers me on the back of my neck and shoulders. I decided I wanted to grow it out a little longer for the wedding so that means no cutting it short again, just trimming it. I did, however, find a certain hairstyle I wanted which is like Cate Ryan’s off of Life Unexpected. My hairdresser, Beth who is also my bridesmaid, thought the look would be cute on me but told me she’d use her razor scissors instead of doing layers since it’d be more manageable for me. She knows me so well since my idea of fixing my hair is blow drying it upside down and then straightening the front part and that’s it. I was also excited to get my haircut so I could see her baby. She has three adopted children and about a month ago she got a baby which is the other three’s brother. He is so adorable and holding him in my arms makes me excited for me and Jonathan to have children one day. I think Beth gave me baby fever, lol. Jonathan is just as excited evidently. Here are some pics of my new hair and of the ever-so-precious Mr. Aden-poo!

I have also been thinking about my future a lot here lately and trying to decide where I want to go get my Bachelor’s in Early Childhood Education at. That is going to be a big decision and I am also playing around with the idea of going for my Master’s in Speech Pathology but that is not set in stone yet. My sister has changed her major to Early Childhood as well so we are going to transfer at the same time and to the same school. I am trying to decide between West Georgia, Kennesaw State, Shorter, and Berry. I really like West Georgia’s program since they send their professors to the college I currently go to so it’d be close to home, but we’ll see what the future has in store for me. I am also adamantly looking for a part-time job. I did put in my application where an old family friend told me to since she said she could probably get me on there. I hope so because I could really use the extra money since our wedding is getting a little more expensive than we originally intended. We are now thinking about self-catering the reception which would be a lot of work but either way, I don’t care because all that matters is that I am marrying my best friend and the man of my dreams on that day.

Well, I need to run to the store to pick up the steaks and get those started. My sister gets off at 9 and then we’re going to cook out with the boyfriends. We also plan on watching a movie afterward. I really enjoy just spending nights in with Jonathan and then my sister and her boyfriend, Hayden. We have a lot of fun together and it’s good that Jonathan gets along with my family. So until next time, later loves!

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An update of sorts

Sorry it’s been forever. This semester is really kicking my butt. In fact, this week alone I have two tests, two finals, an essay, and one midterm. That is a lot of stress and work to be done in one week and that’s only two classes; I still have two others to do work for as well. So I am quite stressed to the point it’s making me physically ill but I can do this, I’m sure!

Since I spoke of the date I was going on the night I last blogged, I figured I should update you on it. He was amazing and still is. We’ve been together since that night. In fact, due to some complicated family issues he has been going through, he’s staying with my family for a while. With any other guy that’d scare me shitless since the last guy I lived with was an abusive asshole that brainwashed me and manipulating me every chance he could. Jonathan on the other hand is sweet and caring. The biggest thing about him that does scare me is how strongly I feel in such a short amount of time. I am not rebounding before you even think that. My rebound was Drew. Lol. Drew who had a girlfriend the whole time that I had no idea about. Yeah, that sure made me feel special. Anyways back to Jonathan, when I kiss him I get butterflies and I love being around him. He’s the only guy who has made me feel so at home and at ease that I actually trust him. I’ve told him a lot about my past and he’s helped me work through a lot of it.

Speaking of working through things, I’ve never been able to openly discuss what my grandfather did to me and the whole rape thing with my mom. She knew what happened but as far as details went I was always too ashamed to talk to her about it. Finally, I can openly discuss things with her and after a long talk about everything, I felt a lot better. I’m slowly coming out of my shell and releasing the old Kate which I am so proud of myself for doing. I feel like I’ve been couped up in this little hole afraid to face the world in fear of being hurt for so long that I didn’t know where to begin to let myself out. I’ve found a way and I’ve done it. I honestly don’t know how I allowed myself to live that way for so long. I took beatings after beatings emotionally from people to the point I didn’t know if I’d make it but now I’m on the other side and proud of the journey I’ve made. I owe a lot of that to my family, friends, Jonathan, and “The Shack” which I started reading and made me realize you have to let the past go and take a leap of faith which I’m doing.

Ugh, I wish I had more time to blog but I need to read over this chapter really quick and head to class to take my Biology test. Wish me luck because I really need it!! See ya’ll later!!

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