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Upsets & Heartbreaks

I had one of the worst nights ever last night. My nerves were completely shot since not having my medicine and when we got to Wal-Mart last night, the pharmacy was closed. So I bit my tongue and dealt with it. What else was I supposed to do? After two hours of browsing the store, my mom still wasn’t done and my siblings were getting on my last nerve to the point I couldn’t take anymore. I had to get out. The only way to explain how I felt is to imagine yourself on an emotional roller coaster. My hormones are out of whack which messes up how I feel and react to certain situations. I would snap at my mom and not even realize what I was saying. So finally, I just left Wal-Mart and my mom called my sister to come pick her and my siblings up. I had to go home and on my way I basically told Rans not to bother coming up here because I was in such a piss poor mood. After a long bath and being basically “served” by Rans; my mood improved big time. He basically told me I had a lot going for me right now, him, my family, and school so I should feel the way I did. Last night I hated myself and how I was being.

So this morning it was my goal to wake up and be in a better mood and so far, so good. I even fought through biting my tongue off when my siblings were once again being hellions. I think they have a lot to do with my moods because they are all the time getting in trouble, lying, and being lazy by not doing what they are supposed to be doing which causes drama in the house. Not to mention, my brother is always “stealing” food in the middle of the night. My mom and I have certain foods and snacks we can eat while on Weight Watchers and he goes and eats them all and then lies about it. We find wrappers under his bed and in his nightstand drawer, and then he wonders why we can never trust him. My house is a chaotic place and I really need to get out every now and then.

Now I’m on my way to Wal-Mart to get a bike! Got to get in shape! So I will blog more later. Bye lovelies!

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Memories Last Forever

Isn’t it funny how when we don’t think about a person for a while and then something reminds us of that person all these great memories come flooding back? That’s really happened a lot to me today. My Papa Shephard died this morning. I knew it was going to happen, it was inevitable. Last weekend my brother told me he was doing really bad since he had to take our dad up there to be with my step-mom.

I am having conflicting feelings about this because I am very upset by his death and then I feel horrible for not seeing him in a long time. He’s been in a nursing home and per my step-mom didn’t remember anybody which is an awful thing to have to sit through, your loved one not even remembering you. He is only my step-grandpa so I wasn’t ultra close to him but to me, any death is sad. Even perfect strangers dying upsets me because I always think to the family they leave behind.

I guess every time I hear of someone dying that I’m close to or close to someone I know, it makes me realize how short life is. That’s why I try to live in the now and make the most out of my life. I hate that I waited to so long to finally decide what I want to do with my life but better late than never. I will post more later because right now I need to get dressed so I can run to the grocery store. So until next time, later gators!

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Slow down Christmas!!

Today and yesterday have been so hectic it’s not even funny. I am fully stressed and worried I won’t get everything done in time for our dinner tomorrow and not to mention get all the presents wrapped. I still have to wrap Rans’ presents for Pete’s sake!!

Yesterday morning we left around 10:30 AM and ran to Wal-Mart to pick up some last minute gifts, wrapping supplies, and also got some pictures printed off. I got the pictures of me and Rans from our trip to Atlanta when we went to the hockey game with my sister and Mary. They turned out pretty good. After Wal-Mart we had to rush home, unload my car, and then head to get everyone’s haircut. Of course me and my mom got our color redone. Yes, my hair gets dyed a slightly lighter shade than what it usually is. Basically it’s got some copper tones and it brings out my natural highlights a lot better. I love it. My younger sisters and brothers both got their haircuts as well. So all in all at least everyone’s hair will be looking good for Christmas. Lol. After haircuts, we stopped by Sonic, picked up some dinner, and then headed to Fashion Bug because I was in search of a new bra since my favorite one got ate by the washer. I also got some cute socks to go with my Sperry’s. After Fashion Bug, we had to run out to the mall so I could get Rans’ present. It was pretty expensive but so worth it. Then after the mall we stopped by the Honeybaked Ham store to pick up a ham and turkey breast. I love their ham, it’s so good. After that we finally headed home and ate dinner. We didn’t get home until 7 PM and we had to wait on Beth to get home so we could leave again. My step-dad ended up calling before we left so Beth picked him up and we finally headed back to Wal-Mart around 11 PM. We did not get home, get everything unpacked, and ready for bed until 3 AM. I was so tired.

This morning I thought I was going to die. Every muscle and bone in my body hurt like crazy. I think my body was definitely telling me I over did it. I didn’t mean to but things had to get done. Today I’ve spent the whole day cooking and cleaning up the house while washing loads of laundry. We have to be at my aunt’s by 5:30 PM and then we’re headed to church for the Christmas service. At least we are supposed to. A little while ago we got a call telling us that my step-dad’s Uncle Edward died. That is really sad to lose a loved one, especially during the holidays ya know. My step-dad is really tore up. I don’t even think he’s going to go to my aunt’s with us. I don’t blame him for wanting to have some time to himself. I’d be the same way. After my aunt’s house and church we have a crap load of wrapping to do. I still have not wrapped Rans’ presents or any other gifts I got everyone. Ugh, I hate being so behind and unorganized. I am not the neatest person but I freak out when I have a long to-do list and feel like everything is unorganized.

Tomorrow morning after everyone opens presents we plan on eating cinnamon and orange rolls while getting the house ready for our dinner. Between breakfast and lunch/dinner I need to run to my dad’s and exchange gifts there. After my dad’s me and Rans are supposed to come back here, eat, and then leave for his house. I’m not sure what we’re going to do at his house. I think we might exchange gifts. I don’t care, I’m just happy to spend our first Christmas together!

I find myself having a strong urge to just be around my family right now. With all that’s going on with my dad and the drama my brother is going through, I just want to be with everyone and feel all safe for once. I just am scared what 2009 holds for my family. I hate thinking about the what-if’s. I’m just going to put my faith in God and trust him to take care of my family and me. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!!! Merry Christmas everyone!! So until next time, later gators.

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Happy Halloween!

I just wanted to quickly blog to tell everyone out there in the blogosphere Happy Halloween! Whether you love all the free candy or seeing all the giggling children dressed up, Halloween is an awesome holiday. I personally love watching all the kids with their parents walking up and down our street so excited as they walk up our front porch steps and proudly open their bags waiting for candy. I swear, kids are the cutest thing ever. It was fun handing out candy with the boyfriend since he is so adorable around kids. He talked to each of the kids and handed them their candy.

I will post pictures tomorrow of our decorations and such as soon as I move them over to flickr. For now, I’m headed to watch some TV and head to bed. So until next time, later gators!