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It sure ain’t helping this mood I’m in

This past weekend with Rans was absolutely amazing. It was so carefree and comfortable being around him 24/7 and his house was welcoming. I had no problem being there by myself while he was at work either. I felt safe and like I was in my own little Rans bubble being surrounded by all the things that make Rans the man he is that the thought of being by myself never entered my brain. He went out of his way to make me feel like the center of the world and told me the whole weekend was about me. I’ve never felt so special in my life and I feel beautiful because I look at myself through his eyes now. I’ve never taken the time to think about how he sees me and I’ve never been so in love yet alone so sure about it. We spent a lot of time talking about our future and even our future kids. It was fun and for once I didn’t feel the need to bolt when the future came up like I usually do. So all in all, my weekend went amazingly well and I was in such a good mood when I came home yesterday.

Today, on the other hand, has gone to hell in a hand basket. For the past two or so weeks I’ve been working on a research paper with my topic being the Lost Boys of Sudan. I felt really confident on my paper and thought for sure I’d get at least a high B but boy was I wrong. I received a 78 and damnit, I was and still am pissed. He said I didn’t have my five citations within the paper but nowhere on our rubric or research paper information did it say five citations. It did say five SOURCES though from where our research came from. I’m just upset and feel like no matter what I still fail in my writing. I told the teacher that I loved writing until I took his class and now I hate it. I feel like my work is always picked apart and given a grade I don’t feel I’ve earned. I had tears in my eyes at the end of the appointment and wanted to get out of there so bad. I went to the bathroom and tried to control myself before I had a full-out break down. While in the bathroom this girl I know walked in and tried to cheer me up and said she was a big crybaby when it came to school which kind of made me feel better. I wasn’t trying to cry but I was so upset and mad it put me to the point of tears. I did bite my lip and held it together while in his office which I am really proud of. I didn’t like the fact that I had to walk into my education class with obvious teary-eyes but the class rallied behind me which made me feel a lot better. I guess their support made me feel like I was a part of something and belonged. It also helped texting Rans and hearing what he had to say. He instantly makes me feel better. I told him I wished I was back at his house in his bed so I could be surrounded by the scent of his room which immediately makes me feel at ease. That kind of sounds weird but my man smells good and certain scents make me feel better. I guess I am weird like that.

So what have I learned from this experience? That sometimes, teachers suck and you just gotta deal. Let it all roll off your back because I don’t have that much longer in this semester. Sadly, I have him this Fall as well but I won’t have to see him thankfully. I can study for our midterm and final and work harder on my papers. I will get a high B at least in this class come hell or high water and a C is not acceptable in my book. I have a lot of work cut out ahead of my but I can get through it. Right now I’m just looking forward to tomorrow night when I’ll be meeting up with Rans in Cartersville again so I can go back to his house. I miss him terribly. I know I go on and on about him but I can’t help it. He is such an established part of my life and I can’t imagine it without him. I really don’t think I’ve ever been in love before him; I always thought I was but if this is what love truly feels like, I never was. I really think that if I have to question if it was love or not then that’s a key clue it wasn’t. I’m just thankful that for once I’m in a good place in my life and things are stable around me. So I have a sucky class, so what? If that’s the least of my worries, man, I have it truly made!

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My dad’s Bruce Lee

For some reason I always choose song lyrics as the subjects of my blogs. I think it gives KatenessNU a little pizazz, don’t ya think? Heh.

So yesterday was my last day of observation and I really am going to miss all the kids. One of the little girls rubbed my arm and said “Miss Katie, I’m gonna miss you. You smell so good, too.” She is so cute and really all of them are in their own ways. I understand that these are the kids that don’t do so hot in school hence the fact they are at summer school, but how can you not love all of them to pieces? The teacher I observed told me if I ever wanted to come back by all means, do! She was really nice and made me feel welcome. She was also good at answering my questions and I am really leaning towards wanting to teach first grade.

Aside from my last day at observing, I’ve been studying non-stop for my midterm that is tonight! Out of 150 questions, I only missed 18 which most were because I wasn’t paying attention to my mom reading them out loud. Yes, my mom DOES rock that much to read all 150 questions and their multiple choice answers to me to help me cram for my test. I was surprised at all the ones I knew without her even having to read the answer. The professor assigned a new paper/project which is really easy. It’s basically a sandwich report in which we have to color all the layers and then fill out the information on it. I really love the way he takes our assignments and put them into mediums we can use in our own classrooms. He is really creative and has given me so many ideas for my future classroom. I think I’m doing really well in this class even though I will miss two days of class but that isn’t worrying me so much right now.

My other two classes, Art Appreciation and English 1102 are going pretty good, too. I had to submit a paragraph in art on how Van Gogh used line as an element in his Night Cafe painting. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I’m also writing a research paper in English on the Lost Boys of Sudan and so far I think it’s going great as well. I chose to do my topics as in what we should learn from the Lost Boys of Sudan and that is that if they went through everything they did and didn’t fall apart, Americans shouldn’t give up in our current state either. I really wanted to relate it to our current economic recession and how a lot of people are giving up because lack of jobs, food, shelter, etc. The Lost Boys story is truly inspirational and if they could go through that as kids and make it to the other side hell, we shouldn’t be complaining. On their trek of over 1,000 miles I don’t think I would have made it. That’s a long way to walk and doing so without water/food or any adults, my hat is so off to them.

I need to get back to studying now. One last look through and I will be okay I think. I also want to take my quiz for Art and do some research for my English paper. Yes, I’m the mistress of juggling subjects all at once! So until then, later lovelies and thanks for the comments! I’ll return them in a few!

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On the outside looking in

For some reason I’ve been in a major pop mood lately listening to *N Sync radio on LastFM quite a lot. I don’t know if I just love that type of music or it just makes me think of a lot of different things. Maybe it’s the fact that love songs make me smile inside. I’ve been smiling quite a lot lately and feeling just at ease with my life I guess you could say. Even though I’m stressed beyond stressed I’m still happy. Isn’t it funny how in life you can always get so bent out of shape for certain things and that when you sit back and look at the situation you realize things aren’t as bad as they seem.

Like my Education Psychology class for example, I was so stressed over that paper. In my own right I should have been stressed because it asked for my beliefs and I am a new student so it’s really impossible to know what you believe for certain. There are so many aspects to a child’s development not to mention so many theories and knowing which ones you believe solely in is really difficult. After all of that worrying and stress I made a 93. All of that stress was over nothing and I just am really consciously working to not freak myself out so much. Instead of getting so stressed, I need to just take a step back and breathe for once. That’s my main problem, I forget to breathe at times because I’m so busy worrying I forget the smallest things.

So this weekend I kind of have exciting plans. For as long as I have been with Rans, we’ve never had one on one time. I live at home and he always comes up here, but he lives at home as well. He was raised that the guy comes to the girl so that’s why he is always up here but I’ve met his parents a few times and they are amazing. I love his grandma, she’s so cute. Anyways, his parents are leaving for out of town this Friday and won’t be back for a week and a half. So since his mom asked him to stay at home those days so Logan (their dog) can be taken care of, he’s asked me to come spend some time with him. Wow, that’s a huge step because we’ve never slept somewhere with it being just us except the first weekend we spent together but that doesn’t count since we were just getting to know each other! So this Friday night around midnight my family and I are meeting him halfway between my house and his house and then I’m riding back to his house with him. My mom suggested the meet-up since it’s at midnight and he will just be getting off of work. By the way, my family adores him and he is already labeled one of us. I won’t be back until Monday and then next Thursday I will be going there and coming back Saturday evening. I’m really excited and he has made plans to cook for me. Per him, it’s all about me. Ha. He really makes me feel special because I’ve never had a guy go out of his way for me. So we’ll see how that goes. I’ll still be online since he works Sunday and that is when I plan on getting some school stuff taken care of.

I so smell chicken cooking for my chicken tortilla soup! So before I die of starvation, I’m going to go finish it up for my sister and get my grub on! I also need to do some studying since I have a midterm Thursday (Education class) but luckily all questions on the midterm are on our practice quizzes! Thanks Dr. Sorrells for that one. So until next time, later lovelies.

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You’re my sunshine after the rain

Here I sit at our dining room table supposedly writing a paper on what my beliefs are when it comes to my future classroom based on the theories of cognitive, language, and socio-emotional development, but I have no clue where to begin or even what I believe in. I feel like my brain is shut off today. Have you ever had one of those days? Hopefully I am not alone.

Other than my lack of smart skills today, my weekend has been pretty good so far. Friday night Rans came over after work. It was our eight month anniversary and he surprised me with Tropicana roses which happen to be my favorite. They are so pretty and I love how he just randomly brings me flowers but this time I guess they were special since it was our anniversary. We celebrate every month anniversary in some ways even if its just a “happy anniversary” and I always get him a card so now he expects it. If I can do something little, like give him a card, to show him how much I love him then of course I will.

I’m getting a lot better at showing my feelings and expressing my love. Coming from a family who happens to include an abusive father (at least he used to be that way) it’s kind of hard to learn to express love and to show someone how much you love them. My mom was always one to give us hugs and kisses and shower us with love but the memories from my dad still linger no matter how hard I try to block them out. For me, not being able to say how I feel was a big obstacle and left Rans not knowing how I felt a lot of the time so when I finally decided to just put my heart out there at first he was wondering why I was being so nice and lovey dovey which really hurt my feelings and made me feel as if I wasn’t being such a great girlfriend. I guess in my mind I always assumed things like that would come naturally but after working at it for the past month or two it’s a lot easier. That just goes to prove how many things we take for granted in life.

On the site front, I plan on adding a lot of stuff to my domain over time but right now my summer is packed and I literally mean packed! In my free time I will be working on my other blog by revamping it and getting everything ready to go so I can start paid blogging over there. Since my schedule for this summer and even this fall is going to be jammed pack I wanted a way to earn a little bit of income aside from my financial aid from school since there isn’t going to be a whole lot of that left over except this summer. I find it utterly ridiculous that I have to get loans since evidently my mom makes “too much” while drawing her disability. That my friends is quite sad. I understand that everyone is in an economical crisis but shouldn’t we take this time to try to support more people trying to go back to school and better themselves? For instance if one man got laid off from one school shouldn’t we aid him in going back to school to better himself so he can qualify for another job that is not being laid off? Same thing with me, I realized there isn’t a life in computers where I live so I wanted to go back to be a teacher but I receive no help other than a loan which is going to have me in debt up to my eyeballs when I graduate and get a job. That’s just crazy in my eyes.

I supposed I will play the good student and try to write my essay. It’s only 500-800 words but deciding what I want to say and how I want to say it isn’t so easy. So later lovelies! I’ll visit the people who commented my last entry later!

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You said you loved me, what’s that about?

So yes, it’s been quite a while since I last blogged. I needed a blog break, heh. In my little blog break I finished up my semester, had a lovely whole month out of school, watched my sister walk across the stage and graduate, went to the lake with my family and loverboy, and finally started back to school for the summer semester. Yes, a lot has happened in the happy world of Kateness and even though I did want to blog about all the happenings, I didn’t. I did however fix up a new theme. I love it from the top header down to all the colors I used. I’m really thinking about keeping this format for a while. I can change colors here and there when I get tired of them but the general style and organization I love.

So as I said, I started my summer semester at school. I’m taking one class during June session only and then two other classes during Full session. The June session is only like 14 days which is a very short amount of time to pile a lot of information in but I’m finding out that I love the class. It is my first education class and the teacher and fellow students completely kick ass. Good thing they do, too because these are the people I’m going to be attending West Georgia with, at least some of them. In my education class I have to have ten hours of observation and I’ve completely four of those. I went to a local elementary school that was holding summer school and I swear, I fell in love with teaching. Watching all the kids learn and talking to them was awesome. It really confirms that this is what I am destined to do. That just really hit home and made me enjoy my classes even more.

I just really wanted to write a quick blog to shout out to the interwebz and to tell all my lovelies I miss them! I would write more but loverboy is five minutes away and I need to pick up my room really quick. Heh. I also have a lot to do this weekend in terms of I have a paper due Monday along with a rough draft of another research paper for two different classes and one is supposed to be MLA format while the other is APA which is really confusing the hell out of me. So until then, later lovelies!