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Things are looking up

I managed to get through yesterday even though I was really lagging in my night class. I even managed to watch last night’s episode of Make It or Break It as well which put me in a cheery mood before bed. I was feeling a lot of pressure about today’s Spanish test because I really thought I failed the first one. In fact, I left some of my test blank because I had no idea what the answers were. She was describing a scene which I had no idea about and then she spelled out words in the Spanish alphabet but it was hard to know what she was saying exactly.

So after today’s test, the professor let us see our tests from the week before. When I saw my grade I literally asked her to make sure this was right because there was no way I scored that high. It turns out instead of completely failing the test, I made an 86 which completely floored me. Considering I was in a crappy mood of having to walk forever from the parking lot to the building in the freezing weather complete with snow and ice cold wind, my grade made it all seem worth it. You see, the parking lot on that campus is in the most inconvenient place ever so no matter where you park you’re stuck walking a good distance just to get into the building and when it’s freezing outside this tends to put people in a rather bad mood. So even though I had to walk back to my car in the freezing weather, I was super excited! Yes, no googling Miami Beach vacations for me today because Kate is very happy!

I kinda am surprised about my good mood since I am once again getting sick from the weather, but I guess my fears and stress from going back to school after missing a few classes from being sick earlier were completely not needed. I was even stressed about my History test I had Monday but it turns out I knew the answers to a lot of questions so I was quite impressed with myself. I guess I am a lot smarter than I thought! Well, I am going to head to bed because I am getting a migraine but that’s okay, I am not even going to let that ruin my mood!

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Tick tock

Hey everyone! I know, I’ve been a horrible blogger yet again but there has been so much happening lately it isn’t even funny!

We will back up to December 16 when I had my doctor’s appointment with the new doctor. First off, I love my doctor! She is so amazing and supporting and spent forty-five minutes with me just answering my various questions. It turns out I have PCOS which at that moment shattered me. I felt broken and less of a woman because this greatly reduces my chances of getting pregnant and since I was planning on getting engaged, it made me feel like I wouldn’t be able to offer Jonathan this great future which broke my heart. I told him the news and he was upset as well but he was very supportive about everything which is what I needed at the time. I honestly thought that because of my diagnosis, he wouldn’t want to marry me. I know that sounds stupid but for ever since I can remember I’ve always dreamed of being a mom and having at least three kids. Another part of my dilemma is that I know of a close family friend that has PCOS and she hasn’t been able to get pregnant after numerous attempts with all sorts of medication.

Jonathan obviously surprised me big time because that night, even after knowing about the chance we would never have kids, PROPOSED! Yes, he got down on one knee and all in front of the lighted fountain at the forum in Rome. It was so beautiful there at night even though we froze our butts off. My ring is gorgeous and I mean gorgeous. I am quite surprised at his taste. My baby knows how to pick a ring I tell ya. Lol. Of course I said yes!! It was so cute though because he was so nervous and before he asked he went into this big long explanation about how he had this speech planned and it was so romantic and everything but at the last second his mind totally blanked and he felt stupid for it. I could not believe how nervous he was, but later that night he told me the speech and it was the sweetest thing ever.

Now since I am running out of time, I will make a list of what else has happened:
- Christmas was awesome!!
- I got to see my dad who is really depressed with his diagnosis of liver disease but evidently I cheered him up by being around him.
- Jonathan’s grandma got really sick and passed away.
- I’ve been spending most of my time consoling him and just being there for him because per him, I’m all he has.
- We picked out bridesmaid dresses and the color of the guys vests and ties for their tuxes.
- I have basically picked out two wedding dresses and will try them on Tuesday.
- I have a full-load of classes this semester.
- Evidently per my friends, my history professor is hard as crap and if you don’t pay attention to his lectures, you’re dead!
- I have to be at my first class in 45 minutes!

With that said, I am out. I wanted to quickly blog and update all my lovelies on my hectic life. I will post a pic of my ring later! I love it and love wearing it!! Hehe, I’m like a giddy school girl I swear. Also, I will now have time in the morning to blog, so yay! So until next time, later loves!

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An update of sorts

Sorry it’s been forever. This semester is really kicking my butt. In fact, this week alone I have two tests, two finals, an essay, and one midterm. That is a lot of stress and work to be done in one week and that’s only two classes; I still have two others to do work for as well. So I am quite stressed to the point it’s making me physically ill but I can do this, I’m sure!

Since I spoke of the date I was going on the night I last blogged, I figured I should update you on it. He was amazing and still is. We’ve been together since that night. In fact, due to some complicated family issues he has been going through, he’s staying with my family for a while. With any other guy that’d scare me shitless since the last guy I lived with was an abusive asshole that brainwashed me and manipulating me every chance he could. Jonathan on the other hand is sweet and caring. The biggest thing about him that does scare me is how strongly I feel in such a short amount of time. I am not rebounding before you even think that. My rebound was Drew. Lol. Drew who had a girlfriend the whole time that I had no idea about. Yeah, that sure made me feel special. Anyways back to Jonathan, when I kiss him I get butterflies and I love being around him. He’s the only guy who has made me feel so at home and at ease that I actually trust him. I’ve told him a lot about my past and he’s helped me work through a lot of it.

Speaking of working through things, I’ve never been able to openly discuss what my grandfather did to me and the whole rape thing with my mom. She knew what happened but as far as details went I was always too ashamed to talk to her about it. Finally, I can openly discuss things with her and after a long talk about everything, I felt a lot better. I’m slowly coming out of my shell and releasing the old Kate which I am so proud of myself for doing. I feel like I’ve been couped up in this little hole afraid to face the world in fear of being hurt for so long that I didn’t know where to begin to let myself out. I’ve found a way and I’ve done it. I honestly don’t know how I allowed myself to live that way for so long. I took beatings after beatings emotionally from people to the point I didn’t know if I’d make it but now I’m on the other side and proud of the journey I’ve made. I owe a lot of that to my family, friends, Jonathan, and “The Shack” which I started reading and made me realize you have to let the past go and take a leap of faith which I’m doing.

Ugh, I wish I had more time to blog but I need to read over this chapter really quick and head to class to take my Biology test. Wish me luck because I really need it!! See ya’ll later!!

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Even my bad days aint that bad

Another month has come and gone in a flash. The days of summer are quickly fading and I am afraid I’m going to miss out on the whole summer experience. Instead of spending time summer outside by our pool like I have in previous years, it’s spent sleeping or with my nose in a book preparing for one of my three classes. Thankfully, my class load is about to get a lot lighter since tonight was the last night of my education class, and our final is on Thursday. Maybe after Thursday I can relax a little and enjoy some days of fun in the sun. I do know that nothing will stop me from having fun on our vacation and that is a promise!

So on Wednesday (tomorrow) by midnight I have an essay due for my English class. Every since receiving that 78 on my research paper, it’s been playing with my mind and mostly my confidence. I used to be a confident writer and thought I had some semi-talent but now I find myself questioning my talent and ability. I just really need to get through this essay and I think I will be okay. The only hard part is trying to decide on a certain topic. Deciding on topics was never my strong suit and certainly isn’t now. While most people can choose something right off the bat, I have the trouble of picking something only to change my mind later. This really sucks and ends up in a lot of wasted time creating half of an essay only to send it to my recycling bin. Yes, my recycling bin is essay hungry! So I think I’m going to make a decision and just stick to it because I don’t have the time or patience to re-write one once I get started.

In other news, for the past two weeks my mom’s side has been killing her. The pain is so severe that it sometimes takes her breath away. Last Friday before I left for Rans’ house, I took my mom to the doctor. After various x-rays, a blood test, and urine analysis, the doctor concluded it was a pulled muscle. However, on Saturday he called my mom and told her the chem panel he ran on her blood messed up and he didn’t have the results so she’d need to get her blood re-drawn. No one told me this until I was home those two days in between going back to Rans’ house. Luckily, I called the Family Care place close to our house and talked to the actual Nurse Practitioner that runs the clinic and she said to have my mom come in the next morning and she’d run a full panel checking anything and everything and then she’d have the results back for my mom’s appointment that would be made after having her blood drawn. Luckily for us, her appointment is tomorrow which is the day I have free before my final so I will be taking her. My mom thinks it is her liver but she always thinks the worst. I’m praying it’s a pulled muscle because honestly, I can’t live without my mom and if something happened to her, I don’t know what I’d do. Rans has been supporting me a lot with all my feelings about all of this so I don’t have to voice them to her because I don’t want her to have to worry about me while she’s in such pain. So for all my lovelies out there, if you can pray to God or whatever high power you believe in, I’d really appreciate it. Right now, I’m throwing myself in my school work so I don’t have to think about the appointment tomorrow morning. I just can’t visit those feelings right now or I will completely crack and academically I can’t do that.

I feel so much better just getting that off of my chest. I didn’t want to put it on my blog because once I did it’d make it all real for me to read back later. I’m just praying that it’s nothing and it’s bad enough my dad has liver disease, I can’t have that happening to my mommy, too! Times like these really make you realize how precious life is. The song “Lucky Man” by Montgomery Gentry really explains how I feel right now that despite my troubles I have in day to day life, I’m still lucky. If my mom turns out to be okay I’ll be even luckier! Unfortunately, that’s all the time I have to blog so it’s back to my essay on short stories for now. Until next time, later my lovelies!! Also, if anyone wants to swap links, please let me know since I’m looking for some fellow blogrollers.

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Quite frankly, you’re smashing!

So the time alone with Rans is officially over. I had a lot of fun and I’m hoping we have a chance to spend some more one on one time in the future. Actually, I know we will since we are planning a trip either the middle or end of October. The 12th of October will be our one year anniversary of being together this go around. We’re really stoked to go out of town, but we just need to decide where exactly we want to go so I can book it up before we leave for the beach with my family the end of this month. Wow, we officially leave for the beach in 19 days! Holy cow!

Anyways, the weekend went really great except for us almost breaking up over stupid crap. Well, we didn’t almost break up but we did get into an argument. Our first big argument although I guess now that I think about it, it wasn’t that big. Basically the fight was over where we want to live since he wants to move to Ohio and I love it here and then he said he didn’t want to live close to our families and that erupting some very old wounds for me. With my ex of three years, he tried to keep me from my family all the time and that was just a big deja vu moment with me and Rans. In the end, we worked it out. He knows I don’t want to move and he understands that. He wasn’t thinking about the big picture as in, what if we have kids? What about our kids getting to know their grandparents? He doesn’t think about things like that and that’s why we’re perfect for each other in the way that we balance each other out. I think the most hurtful thing about our fight was me thinking about my future without him in it. That just really shattered me. I’m just glad everything is over and done and the conversation has been put to rest. We don’t know where we will live but we do know it will be near our parents and our vacations will be spent in Ohio. Lol.

I really just wanted to pop on to make a quick blog. I missed blogging, wow. Right now I don’t have time to really elaborate on my stay with Rans other than it was amazing and all that jazz. I have a sandwich report to do for my Education class that is due tomorrow and then I have an art midterm to study for all while preparing for an essay in English. Oh boy. Kateness is a busy girl. My final and last day of my Education class is this Thursday which is going to be really sad for me. I love all the people in my class because they ROCK! Also on Thursday, Rans will be up here and we’re headed to the Alabama line for some fireworks for this weekend. Oh yeah. Nothing like fireworks and homemade ice cream I say! So until next time, later lovelies!