There’s an anchor for my soul
The movie last night was pretty good. It actually made me tear up at the end but I will not spoil it for anyone. I love how Tyler Perry can have a movie full of laughter but in the last ten to twenty minutes of the movie he can suddenly change the whole tone of the movie and play with your emotions. He is very talented. It’s also hard for me to see him playing a serious role because when he starts talking and getting all excited all I can see is Madea in my mind. All in all, it was a really good movie but I definitely wished we would have waited until it was out on DVD because I had a headache after the movie. Everyone in the theater was yelling out and clapping during the movie. I’m sorry but who claps during a movie? Also, since when is it okay to yell out in the middle of the movie? These two ladies behind us that can only be labeled as ghetto kept making all these comments throughout the movie and clapping so loud right behind my head. I swear, I wanted to say something but I hung up my bitch hat before I left the house and decided I would have a nice evening so I wasn’t going to let them set me off. I just couldn’t believe how rude they were.
The site is officially moved over to Hostgator. I noticed this morning I must have blogged yesterday in between servers so I had to get those posts off the old server and repost them which is why if you checked the site and suddenly there were two new posts, that is why. I am just happy to have a fast loading site again. Hostgator, how I’ve missed thee. Now if I could only get access to my domain Hostaxia’s files off of FTP through the old server. I can’t access it through the IP address which is ironic. I don’t know what’s going on. I did get everyone else moved over though thankfully. Once Hostaxia’s files are moved over I will be cancelling my account with Holdfire and hopefully getting my money back. Surely to God she should give me my money back that has not been used. If not, I don’t know what I am going to do. I am scared because I’ve heard numerous stories about how they are with getting money back but hopefully that has changed.
Anyways, my brother and his wife are here which is annoying because I am trying to get my mom dressed so we can go get registered. We didn’t go to church this morning because I overslept and had a headache and now I am geared up to go to Wal-Mart. I know for one thing we plan on registering for some allergy bedding. I want a new memory foam pad for my mattress that is hypoallergenic because now I am starting to get the sneezes and stuff at night. I swear, I hate my allergies. I woke up this morning with puffy eyes and a runny nose. I don’t know what is up with that. Also, during the spring and summer time I get this little bumps on my arms right around my elbows and that drives me bonkers. I plan on going to the doctor this week and seeing about them because I scratch until they bleed which makes my arms look bad. I’ve never had a doctor that could figure out what it is exactly. All they do is put me on some medicine that doesn’t work so hopefully my new kick-butt doctor can find a permanent solution. I definitely don’t want my arms looking rough for my wedding day! So, my sister-in-law and brother just left so it’s time to go rush my mom, lol. Until next time, later loves!
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Moving, again!
I plan on moving the sites back to Hostgator today. Actually, the move is in the process and I will cancel my Holdfire account tomorrow. I have nothing against Holdfire but there service just isn’t for me. I have had so many problems since swapping which I’m not neccesarily saying it’s problems on their end but my sites kept reverting and them my nameservers wouldn’t work so I think it’s just safer to move back. Plus, I love how Hostgator didn’t give me any problems before. The only reason I moved was because I needed a smaller reseller and Holdfire was a lot cheaper but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s kinda like the mbt shoes. Ya know, the shoes that are supposed to feel like you’re walking barefoot in the sand, well that’s how Holdfire is since like the mbt shoes, Holdfire was too good to be true. So if you notice any downtime or what not, please bare with me. I’m working everything out! 
I just wanted to post a quick update before I head out to go to Gondolier’s and then the movies. We’re going to see Why Did I Get Married Too! I hope it’s good!
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Productiveness Update!
After my endless searching yesterday, I had to stop at Dollar General to get some mailers to send off my books for PaperbackSwap. By this time, I was feeling down on my luck because we had no luck in finding a box of flower seeds. I was on the verge of panicking because this was supposed to be our favors for the wedding. So as I was perusing Dollar General, guess what I found!?! FLOWER SEEDS IN A BOX! I literally jumped up and down and did my happy dance in the middle of the store. I’m sure people thought I was some crazy person and were praying I had Blue Advantage so I could immediately be taken to the hospital and get my head checked, but I was just a happy bride who had finally found her flower seeds. They also were just $2/box so that made me even happier and I immediately loaded up my buggy with five boxes, lol. Just for picture goodness, here is my knight in shining armor so to speak for the wedding:
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Day of Productiveness
Well, I didn’t make it to WalMart yet but I got a lot of other wedding details completed. I’ve been calling like a mad lady searching for bulk flower seeds. Who thought it would be so hard to find a box of flower seeds, I mean seriously. I still have not found a place, but I do have a list of two places to visit before I give up my search. I tried calling them but was put on hold for so long I just gave up. I really detest being put on hold. It is seriously rude when you sit on hold for over ten minutes without anyone coming to the line especially when it is a store and you know the store never is busy. I guess they didn’t want my business after all so they are the last place I will be visiting if I can’t find the seeds elsewhere.
I also need to run over to Staples because I am out of printer ink and I need to print some stuff for school and print out my thank you cards. I am so glad I chose to do everything on my own because it makes things so much easier. I don’t have to worry about the cost of a stationary specialist because everything is designed by me so it matches and is a lot cheaper which is always good. I also want to stop by Verizon and finally look for a Bluetooth headset. I have avoided getting a Bluetooth headset because I hate headsets period but with the new cell phone laws that are trying to be passed in my town it is about time I get one. Yes, Katie is finally catching up with the times, lol.
Read MoreIt’s time for healing
I am seriously in love with the band Sanctus Real because their songs have greatly influenced my good mood currently. Their songs captivate my exact feelings without me having to write them down myself. It’s so nice to find a band that is able to make you feel normal so to speak and that has music that you can listen to and instantly feel mellowed out. I love it.
Today is Friday and I can’t believe this week has gone by so fast. I have so much to do. It is three weeks until our wedding. Oh my God. Can you believe that? I’m seriously freaking out right now you have no idea. I am just so overwhelmed and excited all in one. I have waited for this day to come for the rest of my life and can’t believe that it is only three weeks away.
In other news, we are headed out to go to Walmart today to finally finish our registry. I believe my family is throwing me a bridal shower in two weeks and since everyone is going to want to know what we want or need, a registry is a lot quicker than listing things, lol. I mean, it’s not like we expect a gold bullion or whatever but we do know that our families are surrounding us with love and trying to help give us a nest egg of items to use once we begin our marriage together. Well, I really should say my mom’s side of the family because his family and my dad’s family haven’t offered to do anything for us which is fine because I don’t care anymore. I’m just glad to know that my mom’s family is supporting us wholeheartedly and have welcomed Jonathan into our family with open arms!! So I better hop in the shower and get dressed so we can hurry and leave! I’ve already wasted half the day away! So until next time, later loves.
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Bruises fade father
So I am finally letting go of all the pain and resentment I have towards my father’s family. I’ve decided to just try to move past it because honestly, if they want to act that way I am better off without them. I’ve come to realize that his side has not ever been there for me. Let’s have a short run down shall we? First off, he abused my mother, brother, and I when I was little. He pushed my mother to the point she had a suicide plan. Also, when we were having a conversation a long time ago, my mother let it slip that sometimes he would force her to do things which for a while led me to fear that I was a product of rape. Finally after asking her I found out I was wanted by her but to him, I was just another obligation. Also, when I was a child I had multiple surgeries to which he never called to check on me or even come visit me in the hospital. It was like he didn’t even seem to care. Now let’s move to to his family like his father, my grandpa, molested me when I was seven years old. His sister-in-law, my aunt, substituted our health class when I was in middle school and she decided to talk about how fat I was and how I needed to lose weight. Yeah, what a confidence booster, huh? And his nephew, my cousin, evidently told Drew that I loved dick and was slutty. Wow. His step-mother, my step-grandmother, has always looked down on us because we didn’t go to a private school like her grandchildren and we weren’t preppy enough for her liking. Let’s also mention how one of his brothers hasn’t muttered one word to me since I was real young. I just can’t comprehend how I want to be close to those types of people.
It never hit me that letting go is sometimes for the best until I watched this week’s episode of Life Unexpected. Kate has a similar problem since her father left and when she discovered he sent her birthday cards she got her hopes up because she assumed he wanted to be in her life. Come to find out, he didn’t want to be her father and her mother hid the cards from her because she thought it was for the best. I think that is what gives me hope when it comes to my father because he gives me a birthday card with $50 every birthday and a card and $100 every Christmas. I have now realized that the money and card were just for him to feel better about his past decisions in life. Just because someone acknowledges a holiday or even you at times does not mean they want to be in your life. Sometimes, an acknowledgment is just something that makes them feel less of a shitty person. Yes, that one hour of television really opened my eyes and enlightened me. It also made me realize I blame Jonathan for how he acts at times because it reminds me of my dad and I think he will act that way when really, I am just mad at my dad and just can’t take it out on him so I choose Jonathan. All my doubts about the wedding day are ridiculous because Jonathan is not like my father and never will be just like I will never be like my father. I will not be an abusive asshole to my significant other and turn my back on my child. I will not judge them based upon their life decisions and I will be proud of them and show them how much I love them on a daily basis.
Wow, that just took a load off of my heart seriously. How can I carry around all this crap and still expect myself to function as normal? Jonathan has been trying to take my mind off of things by talking about our future plans for our room. We plan on pulling up the carpet finally and replacing it with the snap together hardwood floors. This will eliminate a lot of my tendencies to get sick especially due to my allergies. My doctor recommended this a long time ago but we are just now getting to the point where we have the time and resources to do so. We will be putting two rugs in our room, one by the computer and one in front of our dresser, to add a little color and so the dogs have a soft place to lay. I think the whole sketching out how we want to decorate our room is one way I can take my mind off things and relax a little. Creativity is definitely one of my stress outlets.
It’s getting late and I need to head to bed. I have classes tomorrow if I can finally stay out of the bathroom. I had my substitute training class this morning and I woke up with a bad stomach ache but I decided I would try to push through the day since it was only a four and a half hour class. The whole class my stomach rumbled and gurgled while I had these nasty burps but I made it through! I actually made it home barely in time before I just exploded. I have never threw up or spent so much time in the bathroom ever. My stomach still hurts and is all bloated but hopefully I will wake up feeling refreshed in the morning. One can hope can’t they? So until next time, later loves.
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