Free to be me

I have not felt this revived in a very long time. It’s amazing what a renewal of faith can do to a person. I feel so alive and like my life has a higher purpose. Last night at church, the service was so moving. Yesterday was the day Jesus died for all of our sins and our church was having a special service to mark this day. The word ‘tenebrae’ is Latin for shadows. The purpose of the Tenebrae service is to recreate the emotional aspects of the passion story, so this is not supposed to be a happy service, because the occasion is not happy. So I am sure you can imagine how emotional it was especially when during a song Marc (our preacher) played a slide-show of the images of Jesus’ crucifixion which made me feel so idiotic for all of the things we worry about as humans. I seriously worry over the most minute thing while Jesus laid down his life willingly so I could have everlasting life. I couldn’t help but tear up and want to weep during the songs and scripture readings because I felt ashamed for all the things I have done but so thankful for everything God and Jesus have done for mankind.

Ever since I have started going back to church I have felt whole again. I have felt like something was missing for so long and to actually feel like that piece is in place and I am a changed person is the best feeling ever. I think most of my feelings have to do with the addition of a new preacher since he is easy to relate to and has changed my views on my faith. He is also a big part in mine and Jonathan’s life since he is going to marry us and we are a big part of his life since we are his first official wedding ceremony. He told us we have to work because if we don’t he couldn’t live with himself, lol. So for Marc, we’ll make things work. I have a restored faith that everything is going to be okay and since we’ve attended church as a couple, Jonathan and I have gotten along a lot better. It’s a breath of fresh air.

I just wanted to take some time and unload about last night. I just still am on a buzz from the service. If you have ever seen the cross draped in black and a crown of thorns placed on top, then you know what I mean. It was sad but yet a reminder of how precious life is and what a gift God has given us. I wish I had more time to blog but sadly I need to run some errands which includes going by to pay our auto insurance which I am still ticked it went up $100/month. Evidently we have had a discount for being such loyal customers but geez, that really hits ya like a ton of bricks when you realize how much you are paying a month but car insurance is a necessity. I hope to have a new theme up. I am busy tweaking one since the one I created I am unsure if I really want to use it or not. Until then, later loves.