An update of sorts

Sorry it’s been forever. This semester is really kicking my butt. In fact, this week alone I have two tests, two finals, an essay, and one midterm. That is a lot of stress and work to be done in one week and that’s only two classes; I still have two others to do work for as well. So I am quite stressed to the point it’s making me physically ill but I can do this, I’m sure!

Since I spoke of the date I was going on the night I last blogged, I figured I should update you on it. He was amazing and still is. We’ve been together since that night. In fact, due to some complicated family issues he has been going through, he’s staying with my family for a while. With any other guy that’d scare me shitless since the last guy I lived with was an abusive asshole that brainwashed me and manipulating me every chance he could. Jonathan on the other hand is sweet and caring. The biggest thing about him that does scare me is how strongly I feel in such a short amount of time. I am not rebounding before you even think that. My rebound was Drew. Lol. Drew who had a girlfriend the whole time that I had no idea about. Yeah, that sure made me feel special. Anyways back to Jonathan, when I kiss him I get butterflies and I love being around him. He’s the only guy who has made me feel so at home and at ease that I actually trust him. I’ve told him a lot about my past and he’s helped me work through a lot of it.

Speaking of working through things, I’ve never been able to openly discuss what my grandfather did to me and the whole rape thing with my mom. She knew what happened but as far as details went I was always too ashamed to talk to her about it. Finally, I can openly discuss things with her and after a long talk about everything, I felt a lot better. I’m slowly coming out of my shell and releasing the old Kate which I am so proud of myself for doing. I feel like I’ve been couped up in this little hole afraid to face the world in fear of being hurt for so long that I didn’t know where to begin to let myself out. I’ve found a way and I’ve done it. I honestly don’t know how I allowed myself to live that way for so long. I took beatings after beatings emotionally from people to the point I didn’t know if I’d make it but now I’m on the other side and proud of the journey I’ve made. I owe a lot of that to my family, friends, Jonathan, and “The Shack” which I started reading and made me realize you have to let the past go and take a leap of faith which I’m doing.

Ugh, I wish I had more time to blog but I need to read over this chapter really quick and head to class to take my Biology test. Wish me luck because I really need it!! See ya’ll later!!