Finding myself..

I know it’s been a while since I last blogged but to be honest, I’ve been quite lost lately. It really didn’t hit me about the whole break up because I kind of rushed into things with Drew although let me say we are not together and never will be. I was just trying to replace Rans as crappy as that sounds. Drew isn’t the type of guy you date at all. I let my past with him, as in we’ve known each other forever, control whether I thought he was trustworthy or not. So a week after me and Rans broke up I decided I should keep to myself and just process things at my own speed without any distractions.

So here I am a month and a week later finally over things and finally ready to have fun again. I’ve realized that in past relationships I let guys change me, maybe not change my entire being but if you change something little, later on that will effect things in a big way. It’s like the butterfly effect. I’ve allowed guys to govern how I act and what I like to the point it made me realize that I wasn’t sure what I liked anymore or even who I was. Now, I know I will not let anyone do that to me again. I am me, take it or leave it. The same goes with settling for guys below me. I know I will never be the prettiest or sweetest but I deserve someone substantial, not someone crappy to make time pass by quicker.

Anyways, I just wanted to blog something since it’s been forever. A lot has happened and a lot has changed about me but I’ll leave that for another day. For now, I’m about to head out to the bank and then out to lunch with my mom and sister. Later tonight I have a date though. We’ll see how that goes. Honestly, I have no expectations.