Some things just don’t last

So I really didn’t want to have to blog about this but obviously I am going to have to. Since I got back from vacation, Rans decided to ignore me. Every text I sent him went unanswered to the point I was extremely worried and somehow in my brain I talked myself into thinking that this all revolved around the death anniversary of Aaron instead of about us. Little did I know, it was about us in fact. Evidently in a span of a week he suddenly lost feelings for me. Whether that is true or it’s been happening or he pulled yet another douche move, I really don’t care. I am just past the point of trying to figure it out because trying to talk to him and getting him to tell me what’s going on is like getting blood from a turnip. At least, I think that’s how the old saying my grandma used to say goes. I am just so done with guys that drop me on my ass as soon as I start opening up and really letting myself go and not fear being hurt. He’s the first guy in a really long time I opened up to and didn’t hold back feelings because that’s my first instinct. I’ve been hurt so many times I’m a survivor and after a while you learn how to hold everything in one little compartment so there’s no chances of you getting hurt but with him I stopped compartmentalizing it all.

So that’s over and done with. I really think I’m close to being completely over it because he chose to let me go. You don’t chase after guys that don’t want to be chased after and I’ve learned that. Gaw, it was really sad when I watched the movie He’s Just Not That Into You and I realized I am the epitome of GiGi. Seriously, how sad is that? I always cling on to hope that a guy likes me for me when they are completely hopeless guys. I realize that now so that’s why I’m trying to change things. I don’t want to be that girl and I damn sure don’t want to be the rule so I will just wait on my exception.

In the meantime, I’ve started talking to an old friend, Drew. Actually, he’s an old crush if I must be completely honest even though he will never believe that. He is so cute and funny and he makes me smile so much my face hurts. He was definitely unexpected because I assumed we wouldn’t click anymore because it’s been so long. Luckily, we do and we get along and it’s so funny because I can’t bullshit him and some of my sarcastic comments that most people wouldn’t know were sarcastic, he does and calls me out on it! The happiness he’s brought me in two days is amazing and I feel like my old self. The old Kate before I was raped and used by other guys. It’s so funny how you never realize how much people change you until it’s too late. In my case, I realize it and it’s not too late to get that girl back. Hell, I used to be fun and didn’t give a rat’s ass what people thought of me. Now, I do care or I remain reserved because every time I let me guard down something terrible happens. And speaking of relationships as a whole, I was talking to one of my friends and he made me feel like the girl who has never known what a real boyfriend is. He was talking about how he took this girl out, planned the whole shindig, and sent her flowers to her house with the note attached telling her where to meet him. What the hell, how come that has NEVER happened to me? Every time I’ve gone on a date, the guy has never planned the whole thing or even tried to make it special. Wow, there’s seriously a lot I’m missing out on in life. Maybe it’s time I go find out exactly what I’m missing, ya think? That doesn’t mean I’m running from Rans to Drew, quite the opposite. Drew and I are just “besties” as he says. I don’t know what will happen and if something ever will. I do know that he has great potential of meaning a lot in my life because things feel like old times which is thrilling and scary at the same time. I’m just floored that back in the day he felt the same. And once again I am in now way saying we’re getting together or we ever will. Right now, I’m fine with that.

Anyways, I think it’s time I officially go unpack my suitcase. Yes, I know it’s been like two weeks but I can’t help it! I’ve been busy with finals and getting the siblings ready for school. I’m just glad to have a moment to be able to unpack. So for now I leave you with awesome pics of Hunting Island. Until next time, later lovelies! And yes, that IS a deer eating bread out our window.

EDIT: So I had a really sucktacular day that I will post about later when I’m not so angry but despite me and Rans being over, he’s the only one who understood what all I was going through at that moment. That just goes to prove that even though you might not be with that person, they can still be there for you. Maybe we are better as just friends.