Boy you know I..
Hey ya’ll. So yes, I’m back here for your blogging pleasures. I’ve been laying low the past day or two because I have two weeks until Fall semester begins and I decided to be utterly lazy. It’s really fun, ya’ll should try it sometime.
Anyways, the event that happened the day of my last blog post involved my step-siblings and their trashy mother. Their mom is a horrible person and I am not exaggerating it. Actually, I’m really giving her a compliment by calling her horrible because if I was to say how she really was it’d be way worse. I mean, when your three year old sister can tell you about sex and lesbians, you know it’s bad. Just writing that literally makes my body shudder and now I feel like I’m going to puke it’s so sick. There’s a lot more to the story as in my little brother knows about crack pipes and what they are as well as the funny cigerattes she smoked in front of them. So I am sure you’re getting an idea of how this woman is. Basically the run down of the story is my step-dad has full custody of them and the mom had supervised visitation. They don’t want to see her and when she was here my step-dad made them talk to her and made them hug her which completely unnerved me. Not only that he went to the back of the house while I stayed on the porch and she tried to take them to her car and I told her not to because they aren’t supposed to be introduced to any of her skanky friends following her around in her cracked out entourage. Basically that ended up in her getting pissed and then saying she was going to take the kids from us because of something I don’t wish to discuss here. If you want to know, I have no problem sharing but seeing as my 9 yr old sister is nosy and knows how to find stuff on the internet I’d rather not have it out in the open ya know?
With all of that happening I texted Rans about it without even thinking or realizing what had just went down between us. He was there for me though. I told Drew about it as well but when I told him I felt better about it because I know by me telling him he was here and actually might care as to Rans I think he was just going along with the normal routine of “dang that sucks, hope everything works out” type deal. Either way, I don’t care because I don’t rely on him anymore. It’s really sad that I lost my best friend along with boyfriend but I have other friends who are authentic.
So the other night I decided to go meet Drew in the park so we could just talk and hang out. It was so surreal hanging out with him because it was like nothing has changed. We still get along and click like we did back then. He hasn’t really changed either aside from his bald head which he was adamant about me feeling. It was okay, lol. I feel so comfortable around him and evidently he’s my protector. We were at the park at night and here comes a DOG running out of the woods and since Drew is just so utterly manly and charming he decided to chase it away because he thinks it was a coyote. Whatever floats his boat, it was cute just the same. I can also now say that I’ve had a first kiss that was not awkward; kissing him felt like I’ve done it a thousand times before. I guess we click in every way, huh? That’s all I am going to say on that subject because a girl has to have her secrets.
Sadly though, me and Drew can never be because my sister is going to murder him and he knows why. Somehow we got to talking about my sister’s ex, the one from prom, and evidently the ex, we’ll refer to as GB, always says hey to Drew in the bank. The name Drew isn’t on his account or checks but somehow he knows that is his name. Well when Drew went to Walmart, he saw GB and GB once again said hey to him. I think GB has a thing for Drew, but his impersonation of him is freaking hilarious. So we decided to call my sister while we were at the park and tell her that Drew’s friend stopped by and it was GB and he wanted to speak to her. Before Drew could really say anything she hung up and was pretty pissed. She told Drew if GB texted her since he always does when people talk about him, (funny how he can be conjured up like the devil, huh?) she would kill him. It just so happens GB texted her last night and so she is plotting Drew’s death. He evidently told her that he was her future brother in law and *I* brought up GB. Oh whatever, way to sell me out, babe. Needless to say I am interested to see what happens when the two of them meet. Also if you couldn’t tell, GB stands for gay bastard.. Beth’s name for him.
Ugh, I really need to finish doing laundry and unpacking from vacation, but I don’t feel like it. Evidently per my mom, we have loads of errands to run today. So until next time, later lovelies!
5 Comments »Some things just don’t last
So I really didn’t want to have to blog about this but obviously I am going to have to. Since I got back from vacation, Rans decided to ignore me. Every text I sent him went unanswered to the point I was extremely worried and somehow in my brain I talked myself into thinking that this all revolved around the death anniversary of Aaron instead of about us. Little did I know, it was about us in fact. Evidently in a span of a week he suddenly lost feelings for me. Whether that is true or it’s been happening or he pulled yet another douche move, I really don’t care. I am just past the point of trying to figure it out because trying to talk to him and getting him to tell me what’s going on is like getting blood from a turnip. At least, I think that’s how the old saying my grandma used to say goes. I am just so done with guys that drop me on my ass as soon as I start opening up and really letting myself go and not fear being hurt. He’s the first guy in a really long time I opened up to and didn’t hold back feelings because that’s my first instinct. I’ve been hurt so many times I’m a survivor and after a while you learn how to hold everything in one little compartment so there’s no chances of you getting hurt but with him I stopped compartmentalizing it all.
So that’s over and done with. I really think I’m close to being completely over it because he chose to let me go. You don’t chase after guys that don’t want to be chased after and I’ve learned that. Gaw, it was really sad when I watched the movie He’s Just Not That Into You and I realized I am the epitome of GiGi. Seriously, how sad is that? I always cling on to hope that a guy likes me for me when they are completely hopeless guys. I realize that now so that’s why I’m trying to change things. I don’t want to be that girl and I damn sure don’t want to be the rule so I will just wait on my exception.
In the meantime, I’ve started talking to an old friend, Drew. Actually, he’s an old crush if I must be completely honest even though he will never believe that. He is so cute and funny and he makes me smile so much my face hurts. He was definitely unexpected because I assumed we wouldn’t click anymore because it’s been so long. Luckily, we do and we get along and it’s so funny because I can’t bullshit him and some of my sarcastic comments that most people wouldn’t know were sarcastic, he does and calls me out on it! The happiness he’s brought me in two days is amazing and I feel like my old self. The old Kate before I was raped and used by other guys. It’s so funny how you never realize how much people change you until it’s too late. In my case, I realize it and it’s not too late to get that girl back. Hell, I used to be fun and didn’t give a rat’s ass what people thought of me. Now, I do care or I remain reserved because every time I let me guard down something terrible happens. And speaking of relationships as a whole, I was talking to one of my friends and he made me feel like the girl who has never known what a real boyfriend is. He was talking about how he took this girl out, planned the whole shindig, and sent her flowers to her house with the note attached telling her where to meet him. What the hell, how come that has NEVER happened to me? Every time I’ve gone on a date, the guy has never planned the whole thing or even tried to make it special. Wow, there’s seriously a lot I’m missing out on in life. Maybe it’s time I go find out exactly what I’m missing, ya think? That doesn’t mean I’m running from Rans to Drew, quite the opposite. Drew and I are just “besties” as he says. I don’t know what will happen and if something ever will. I do know that he has great potential of meaning a lot in my life because things feel like old times which is thrilling and scary at the same time. I’m just floored that back in the day he felt the same. And once again I am in now way saying we’re getting together or we ever will. Right now, I’m fine with that.
Anyways, I think it’s time I officially go unpack my suitcase. Yes, I know it’s been like two weeks but I can’t help it! I’ve been busy with finals and getting the siblings ready for school. I’m just glad to have a moment to be able to unpack. So for now I leave you with awesome pics of Hunting Island. Until next time, later lovelies! And yes, that IS a deer eating bread out our window. 
EDIT: So I had a really sucktacular day that I will post about later when I’m not so angry but despite me and Rans being over, he’s the only one who understood what all I was going through at that moment. That just goes to prove that even though you might not be with that person, they can still be there for you. Maybe we are better as just friends.
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