I’m at a loss

The first part of my vacation was absolutely amazing. I really enjoyed the beach and spending time with Rans was definitely high up on my list. We all got along as a family and really enjoyed each others company. However, the day before we left that all changed. On Thursday, we went to Savannah to go on a ghost trolley and tour the city. It was just me, Rans, my mom, Donna, and Beth. I thought everything was going fine but evidently Beth and Donna were texting about me the whole ride there and back. Evidently per them Rans needed to slap the shit out of me and I needed to be put into my place. Beth also said that she was moving out because she’s so tired of me.

I didn’t find all of this out until the next day when I went to use Beth’s cellphone to call my mom. I left my cellphone at home, I’m a genius I know. So I went to text my mom since she wasn’t answering but went to the outbox by accident since I only have to press two buttons and my phone will go to “create a message” but Beth’s won’t. In the outbox I saw my name mentioned so of course, I read. I was completely floored and felt really betrayed. I just couldn’t believe Beth was talking about me but then when I saw who the texts were to I was floored even more. I guess I’ve always been the type that if I have a problem with you, I tell you to your face. I don’t lay around and hide my feelings so I can talk about you when you go out of a room. First off, I can’t believe my sister would do that because I considered Beth my best friend. This isn’t the first time she has done this to me though. I finally got a hold of my mom and told her what was going on and she was pretty mad herself.

Later that afternoon she told Beth and Donna they needed to face things and get it out in the open because the whole day they ignored my mom and me and Beth had her little huffy attitude. When it all came out my step-dad tried to say I had Donna’s phone and put his two cents in. First off, he needs to stay out because when he drinks he imagines shit and that pissed my mom off even more. She knows when I am telling the truth and if I am not and so she knew I WAS being honest unlike everyone else. Needless to say Beth decided to show her ass and try to swing and push on me. While trying to hit me she hit my mom. Yeah, that pissed me off even more so I shoved her in the corner of the door frame. I wouldn’t hit her but if she kept on I would have dropped her to the ground to defend myself. It’s kind of funny that I was the only one that handled myself with maturity and tactfulness. Beth wanted to fight and Donna wanted to be silent. I just don’t understand people at all.

Right now, I’m at a loss because I don’t know how to act anymore. Beth acts like nothing has happened but her half-assed apology isn’t going to put a bandaid over this wound. To be honest, I don’t think things will ever be the same. I don’t trust her and I feel betrayed. Feelings like that don’t change over night. I was upset all day yesterday because I was really bugging over what I should say or do because I feel weird about the whole situation. Luckily, I have an amazing boyfriend who helped me through everything. Rans just told me that I can’t make people change and I don’t need that in my life. Yes, I do have to live with her but that doesn’t mean we have to be friends again. I can be civil without setting myself up to be betrayed by her yet again. She really needs to grow up and realize that how she acts is the spitting image of her mother which is someone she hates. When she tried to fight me, that proved exactly who she is like. You don’t handle situations like that, you talk things out. I guess I’ve really proved that I have grown up a lot lately because six months ago I would have busted her ass like there was no tomorrow. I used to let my anger get the best of me and that is one thing I’ve really worked on toning down and I think I’ve succeeded.

I really felt like I needed to blog and get that out there since it’s really been bugging me and eating away at me. Now, I really do feel better. All of the stress from that was far from what I needed considering I’m in the last week and a half of full session and then next Tuesday I have my substitute teacher training course in the morning so I can officially sub! I have a lot going on for me in my life and I’m trying to not let things bog me down. I’ve now come to the realization that I do deserve more out of my life and I won’t take less than I deserve! So until next time, later lovelies.