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Even my bad days aint that bad
Another month has come and gone in a flash. The days of summer are quickly fading and I am afraid I’m going to miss out on the whole summer experience. Instead of spending time summer outside by our pool like I have in previous years, it’s spent sleeping or with my nose in a book preparing for one of my three classes. Thankfully, my class load is about to get a lot lighter since tonight was the last night of my education class, and our final is on Thursday. Maybe after Thursday I can relax a little and enjoy some days of fun in the sun. I do know that nothing will stop me from having fun on our vacation and that is a promise!
So on Wednesday (tomorrow) by midnight I have an essay due for my English class. Every since receiving that 78 on my research paper, it’s been playing with my mind and mostly my confidence. I used to be a confident writer and thought I had some semi-talent but now I find myself questioning my talent and ability. I just really need to get through this essay and I think I will be okay. The only hard part is trying to decide on a certain topic. Deciding on topics was never my strong suit and certainly isn’t now. While most people can choose something right off the bat, I have the trouble of picking something only to change my mind later. This really sucks and ends up in a lot of wasted time creating half of an essay only to send it to my recycling bin. Yes, my recycling bin is essay hungry! So I think I’m going to make a decision and just stick to it because I don’t have the time or patience to re-write one once I get started.
In other news, for the past two weeks my mom’s side has been killing her. The pain is so severe that it sometimes takes her breath away. Last Friday before I left for Rans’ house, I took my mom to the doctor. After various x-rays, a blood test, and urine analysis, the doctor concluded it was a pulled muscle. However, on Saturday he called my mom and told her the chem panel he ran on her blood messed up and he didn’t have the results so she’d need to get her blood re-drawn. No one told me this until I was home those two days in between going back to Rans’ house. Luckily, I called the Family Care place close to our house and talked to the actual Nurse Practitioner that runs the clinic and she said to have my mom come in the next morning and she’d run a full panel checking anything and everything and then she’d have the results back for my mom’s appointment that would be made after having her blood drawn. Luckily for us, her appointment is tomorrow which is the day I have free before my final so I will be taking her. My mom thinks it is her liver but she always thinks the worst. I’m praying it’s a pulled muscle because honestly, I can’t live without my mom and if something happened to her, I don’t know what I’d do. Rans has been supporting me a lot with all my feelings about all of this so I don’t have to voice them to her because I don’t want her to have to worry about me while she’s in such pain. So for all my lovelies out there, if you can pray to God or whatever high power you believe in, I’d really appreciate it. Right now, I’m throwing myself in my school work so I don’t have to think about the appointment tomorrow morning. I just can’t visit those feelings right now or I will completely crack and academically I can’t do that.
I feel so much better just getting that off of my chest. I didn’t want to put it on my blog because once I did it’d make it all real for me to read back later. I’m just praying that it’s nothing and it’s bad enough my dad has liver disease, I can’t have that happening to my mommy, too! Times like these really make you realize how precious life is. The song “Lucky Man” by Montgomery Gentry really explains how I feel right now that despite my troubles I have in day to day life, I’m still lucky. If my mom turns out to be okay I’ll be even luckier! Unfortunately, that’s all the time I have to blog so it’s back to my essay on short stories for now. Until next time, later my lovelies!! Also, if anyone wants to swap links, please let me know since I’m looking for some fellow blogrollers.
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Quite frankly, you’re smashing!
So the time alone with Rans is officially over. I had a lot of fun and I’m hoping we have a chance to spend some more one on one time in the future. Actually, I know we will since we are planning a trip either the middle or end of October. The 12th of October will be our one year anniversary of being together this go around. We’re really stoked to go out of town, but we just need to decide where exactly we want to go so I can book it up before we leave for the beach with my family the end of this month. Wow, we officially leave for the beach in 19 days! Holy cow!
Anyways, the weekend went really great except for us almost breaking up over stupid crap. Well, we didn’t almost break up but we did get into an argument. Our first big argument although I guess now that I think about it, it wasn’t that big. Basically the fight was over where we want to live since he wants to move to Ohio and I love it here and then he said he didn’t want to live close to our families and that erupting some very old wounds for me. With my ex of three years, he tried to keep me from my family all the time and that was just a big deja vu moment with me and Rans. In the end, we worked it out. He knows I don’t want to move and he understands that. He wasn’t thinking about the big picture as in, what if we have kids? What about our kids getting to know their grandparents? He doesn’t think about things like that and that’s why we’re perfect for each other in the way that we balance each other out. I think the most hurtful thing about our fight was me thinking about my future without him in it. That just really shattered me. I’m just glad everything is over and done and the conversation has been put to rest. We don’t know where we will live but we do know it will be near our parents and our vacations will be spent in Ohio. Lol.
I really just wanted to pop on to make a quick blog. I missed blogging, wow. Right now I don’t have time to really elaborate on my stay with Rans other than it was amazing and all that jazz. I have a sandwich report to do for my Education class that is due tomorrow and then I have an art midterm to study for all while preparing for an essay in English. Oh boy. Kateness is a busy girl. My final and last day of my Education class is this Thursday which is going to be really sad for me. I love all the people in my class because they ROCK! Also on Thursday, Rans will be up here and we’re headed to the Alabama line for some fireworks for this weekend. Oh yeah. Nothing like fireworks and homemade ice cream I say! So until next time, later lovelies!
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One girl, many versions
Thanks to the lovely Kecia and Dez, I’ve been tagged with the Honest Scrap Award. Oh yeah, go Kateness!
“The HonestScrap award comes with a caveat or two. Firstly, you have to tell your readers ten things about you they may not know, but that are true. Secondly, you have to tag 10 people with the award.”
Ten Things You Might Not Know About Kate:
- While my mom was carrying me, I had a twin, but before birth, the twin “disappeared.” Part of my wishes I had a twin but if you were to ask Rans or my family they would tell you one of me is plenty enough!
- I was originally supposed to be named Twilah Larae, thank God my mom changed her name because seriously, WTF? Can you just imagine learning to spell that name in kindergarten? No thanks, Mom!
- I have this weird thing where I can remember numbers from years ago. I guess I’m just good with numbers.
- I’ve never been out of the southeast but one day I plan on going to visit my cousins in New York.
- I am terribly afraid of heights thus I’ve never been on a plane before. For our honeymoon, Rans and I want to go to Hawaii so I can get over my fear of flying and see the awesomeness that is known as Hawaii.
- I’ve never had sex with Rans even though we’ve been together for eight months. I’m a born again virgin and so is he. I have had a lot of traumatic sexual experiences in my life willingly and unwillingly and I thought that being born again would put my mind at ease until I made sure it was the right time and with the right person, my future husband which is Rans.
- I let my fears get in my way a lot of the time. Like I won’t speak up in class in fear of making a fool of myself, or I won’t go do something by myself in fear of people are looking at me all the time. This is a side effect of being raped when I was 15 and I am just now working through it and getting over it at the age of 23. It’s been a long road but it’s finally behind me!
- I have a bad habit of recording random crap on my DVR only to delete it later unwatched when I run out of space. I also have a bunch of shows on my series recording that I’ll record the whole series, decide I really don’t wanna watch it and delete the whole series off of my DVR. I’m bad about recording Lifetime and Hallmark moves as well.
- I often start blog posts and then immediately delete them or re-write them because I find my life boring most of the time, or the things I wrote about at that time were insignificant. I have a hard time writing what I feel because I don’t like opening up to people most of the time. I’m a nut with a hard shell to crack, but once you do, you realize I’m all mushy inside.
So there ya go, my ten facts and now, I get to tag 10 people. Fun!
Tag, You’re It:
With all of that posted, this is my farewell for a couple of days while I’m spending time with Rans at his house and escaping from the real world to my nice, cozy, Rans-filled bubble! Ha! Maybe I will post while I’m there, but I doubt it. It’s nice to have a mini-vaca away from the net and everything else that is overwhelming on the day-to-day. Later lovelies!
Read MoreIt sure ain’t helping this mood I’m in
This past weekend with Rans was absolutely amazing. It was so carefree and comfortable being around him 24/7 and his house was welcoming. I had no problem being there by myself while he was at work either. I felt safe and like I was in my own little Rans bubble being surrounded by all the things that make Rans the man he is that the thought of being by myself never entered my brain. He went out of his way to make me feel like the center of the world and told me the whole weekend was about me. I’ve never felt so special in my life and I feel beautiful because I look at myself through his eyes now. I’ve never taken the time to think about how he sees me and I’ve never been so in love yet alone so sure about it. We spent a lot of time talking about our future and even our future kids. It was fun and for once I didn’t feel the need to bolt when the future came up like I usually do. So all in all, my weekend went amazingly well and I was in such a good mood when I came home yesterday.
Today, on the other hand, has gone to hell in a hand basket. For the past two or so weeks I’ve been working on a research paper with my topic being the Lost Boys of Sudan. I felt really confident on my paper and thought for sure I’d get at least a high B but boy was I wrong. I received a 78 and damnit, I was and still am pissed. He said I didn’t have my five citations within the paper but nowhere on our rubric or research paper information did it say five citations. It did say five SOURCES though from where our research came from. I’m just upset and feel like no matter what I still fail in my writing. I told the teacher that I loved writing until I took his class and now I hate it. I feel like my work is always picked apart and given a grade I don’t feel I’ve earned. I had tears in my eyes at the end of the appointment and wanted to get out of there so bad. I went to the bathroom and tried to control myself before I had a full-out break down. While in the bathroom this girl I know walked in and tried to cheer me up and said she was a big crybaby when it came to school which kind of made me feel better. I wasn’t trying to cry but I was so upset and mad it put me to the point of tears. I did bite my lip and held it together while in his office which I am really proud of. I didn’t like the fact that I had to walk into my education class with obvious teary-eyes but the class rallied behind me which made me feel a lot better. I guess their support made me feel like I was a part of something and belonged. It also helped texting Rans and hearing what he had to say. He instantly makes me feel better. I told him I wished I was back at his house in his bed so I could be surrounded by the scent of his room which immediately makes me feel at ease. That kind of sounds weird but my man smells good and certain scents make me feel better. I guess I am weird like that.
So what have I learned from this experience? That sometimes, teachers suck and you just gotta deal. Let it all roll off your back because I don’t have that much longer in this semester. Sadly, I have him this Fall as well but I won’t have to see him thankfully. I can study for our midterm and final and work harder on my papers. I will get a high B at least in this class come hell or high water and a C is not acceptable in my book. I have a lot of work cut out ahead of my but I can get through it. Right now I’m just looking forward to tomorrow night when I’ll be meeting up with Rans in Cartersville again so I can go back to his house. I miss him terribly. I know I go on and on about him but I can’t help it. He is such an established part of my life and I can’t imagine it without him. I really don’t think I’ve ever been in love before him; I always thought I was but if this is what love truly feels like, I never was. I really think that if I have to question if it was love or not then that’s a key clue it wasn’t. I’m just thankful that for once I’m in a good place in my life and things are stable around me. So I have a sucky class, so what? If that’s the least of my worries, man, I have it truly made!
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My dad’s Bruce Lee
For some reason I always choose song lyrics as the subjects of my blogs. I think it gives KatenessNU a little pizazz, don’t ya think? Heh.
So yesterday was my last day of observation and I really am going to miss all the kids. One of the little girls rubbed my arm and said “Miss Katie, I’m gonna miss you. You smell so good, too.” She is so cute and really all of them are in their own ways. I understand that these are the kids that don’t do so hot in school hence the fact they are at summer school, but how can you not love all of them to pieces? The teacher I observed told me if I ever wanted to come back by all means, do! She was really nice and made me feel welcome. She was also good at answering my questions and I am really leaning towards wanting to teach first grade.
Aside from my last day at observing, I’ve been studying non-stop for my midterm that is tonight! Out of 150 questions, I only missed 18 which most were because I wasn’t paying attention to my mom reading them out loud. Yes, my mom DOES rock that much to read all 150 questions and their multiple choice answers to me to help me cram for my test. I was surprised at all the ones I knew without her even having to read the answer. The professor assigned a new paper/project which is really easy. It’s basically a sandwich report in which we have to color all the layers and then fill out the information on it. I really love the way he takes our assignments and put them into mediums we can use in our own classrooms. He is really creative and has given me so many ideas for my future classroom. I think I’m doing really well in this class even though I will miss two days of class but that isn’t worrying me so much right now.
My other two classes, Art Appreciation and English 1102 are going pretty good, too. I had to submit a paragraph in art on how Van Gogh used line as an element in his Night Cafe painting. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I’m also writing a research paper in English on the Lost Boys of Sudan and so far I think it’s going great as well. I chose to do my topics as in what we should learn from the Lost Boys of Sudan and that is that if they went through everything they did and didn’t fall apart, Americans shouldn’t give up in our current state either. I really wanted to relate it to our current economic recession and how a lot of people are giving up because lack of jobs, food, shelter, etc. The Lost Boys story is truly inspirational and if they could go through that as kids and make it to the other side hell, we shouldn’t be complaining. On their trek of over 1,000 miles I don’t think I would have made it. That’s a long way to walk and doing so without water/food or any adults, my hat is so off to them.
I need to get back to studying now. One last look through and I will be okay I think. I also want to take my quiz for Art and do some research for my English paper. Yes, I’m the mistress of juggling subjects all at once! So until then, later lovelies and thanks for the comments! I’ll return them in a few!
Read MoreMisc.
